


Salvation

by dawnka



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: F/F, basically lesbians can't function with unfinished endings like that so, now i'm writing fic again to cope, thanks a lot ND
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:35:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnka/pseuds/dawnka
Summary: After surviving on her own for a few months, Ellie decides to return to Jackson and confront everything that's been waiting for her there.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 107
Kudos: 301





	1. Chapter 1

Salvation. That’s all Ellie could think of as the gates to Jackson towered over her. It had been a rough couple of months, though she didn’t know how many months for sure. The timeline didn’t matter to her. She just needed to get inside. She missed Jackson, missed being a part of something. It sure as hell wasn’t easy living alone in a world like this. 

She almost lost herself, and that was a scary thought. Ellie had seen it countless times growing up. People she looked up to, cared about… just losing their _minds_ trying to live in this world. Not everyone had what it took to keep fighting, and she _knew_ that. She just never thought it could be her. Ellie didn’t care if she lived or died when she sought out Joel’s murderer. There was no way she could continue her life as normal, knowing that Abby hadn’t suffered any consequences for what she did. So when she decided to give it all up, she understood her own death was a high possibility. She understood that fully, and she didn’t care. _Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad_ , she thought. The most important person in her life was beaten to death, right in front of her. She couldn’t stop seeing it—dreaming it. If she couldn’t kill Abby… if she couldn’t get that _closure_ , then she didn’t _want_ to fucking live. Was that so bad to admit?

But then she thought of Joel… of how he saved her—posthumously, as weird as it was to admit. So she had to visit him here—or whatever was left of him—to say a few words, at the least. The events that happened when she was out there in the ocean replayed constantly in her head as she tried to make sense of it. When her hands were wrapped around Abby’s neck, causing her to thrash for air in the water, Ellie felt alive. For the first time since he was murdered, she felt _something_ other than guilt and anger… She felt vindication, if only for a split second. Fingers missing, blood pooling, flesh wounds stinging from the salt water—it was fucking victory. She thought of Joel—remembered the sound his skull made from Abby’s last swing—and her grip tightened. 

Mere seconds passed and, much to her horror, the feeling started to fade, flickering as she tried desperately to hold onto it. Then she felt Joel. He was there somehow, right beside her. She swears it. All she could see was him. All she could hear was his guitar. Ellie knew it was a sign—it had to be. He was telling her that it was okay; that Abby wasn’t worth this. So she listened.

Ellie knew it sounded fucking _crazy_ , and she vowed to herself she would never tell a soul. But she couldn’t deny that she felt him there. Then she felt so fucking stupid. Stupid for thinking Joel would ever want her to focus so much time and energy on revenge. Stupid for leaving her family.

When she let Abby go, she felt Joel leave, too. Then it was just her, alone, her feet sinking in the ocean floor. She didn’t know what to make of it at first. Ellie had never believed in the afterlife, but now she wasn’t so sure. She was certain there was neither Heaven nor Hell and she thought all religious people were delusional. But she couldn’t deny what she felt, and maybe she just had to make peace with never knowing.

So maybe it sounded crazy to sit at his grave and talk to his headstone, but she felt she owed Joel a few words.

Ellie didn’t know how long she would stay in Jackson. She thought about what she would say to Maria once they met again face to face. She figured Maria might not want anything to do with her, and Ellie couldn’t blame her. There were a lot of casualties associated with hunting Abby down; Maria’s marriage being one of them. Jesse, too. And Dina….

But she wasn’t thinking about Dina anymore. It wasn’t fair to her. Ellie had made her choice and she didn’t deserve her anymore. She didn’t deserve to hope about that part of her life anymore. So she thought best to not think about at all.

It was more than a mistake; it was a betrayal. Ellie was certain that JJ was over a year already, and she had missed that. She’d missed out on a lot. It made her sick to her stomach to think about all of the memories they made together as a family while she was gone—to think about never being able to be a part of them. But most of all, she couldn’t stand to wonder about what Dina must think of her now… or if Dina thought about her at all.

She tried to brush those thoughts away as she readjusted the strap of her bag over her shoulder and raised her thumb and index finger to her mouth. With a swift whistle, Ellie met the eyes of two guards peeking over the gate. They hesitated as they looked at her, then to each other with horrified expressions. Ellie didn’t take offense to it; she assumed she looked like shit. After all, it did take her a week to travel here, through the woods. She had garnered her fair share of wounds along the way.

Eventually, the two guards motioned down for the gates to be opened, which required the strength of three men. She didn’t recognize them, but didn’t think much of it as she walked forward. By the time she had taken a step forward, two of them had their guns out, pointing them at her. She stopped in her tracks, knowing full well what they did to unknown visitors in Jackson.

The gunless man, seemingly the shift manager, stepped forward, his expression hard. He was around Maria’s age, with long, brown hair fixed in a ponytail. “Wouldn’t move if I were you. Drop your bag.”

Ellie blinked, unsure of how to respond. Admittedly, she didn’t recognize anyone on guard, but she didn’t think she would be perceived as a threat. She slowly let the bag slink off of her shoulder and attempted an explanation. “Uh, my name is Ellie…. I used to live here, and I just came to—”

The man waived his hand up, prompting her to stop mid-sentence. He continued to stare at her coldly for a few moments before he spoke again. “Whole town of Jackson knows who you are. Maria’s on ‘er way down. Just don’t move ’til she gets 'ere.”

Ellie looked down, trying to escape the guard’s uncomfortable stare as she waited. She kicked the dirt with her shoe, trying to figure out why Maria would alert the guards to draw their weapons if she came back to Jackson. Nothing good came to mind. She thought Maria would be angry, but not _that_ angry.

Before she could speculate further, she heard her voice. Ellie’s eyes shot up to see Maria hustling down to the gates.

“Hey!” Maria yelled, her face stone-like as she approached. Ellie blanked, her eyes wide, fearing Maria was speaking to her. Maria finally slowed and pushed down forcefully on one of the drawn guns. “Put those down. What, are you tryin’ to get this girl killed?”

The men immediately disarmed, and Ellie swore she could see the shift manager blush in embarrassment. They stepped aside and shuffled back to the gate doors, stuffing their guns back in their holsters.

Maria watched them, meeting each of them with a fiery gaze, before her eyes settled back on Ellie. She studied her for a second before huffing. “You follow me down to the infirmary. We’ll see about getting you all patched up.” She turned around, not bothering to wait for an answer.

“Hey, I’m fine, really—“

Maria faced her again. “Wasn’t a question.”

Ellie eventually nodded, picking up her bag and following the older woman. She tried to keep her head down as they walked through the town, hoping to be noticed by as little people as possible. She felt… ashamed, almost. Ashamed she had left and returned with nothing to show for it.

Once they reached the infirmary, Maria pointed to an empty bed for Ellie to sit. She followed orders without a word, watching as Maria pulled the privacy curtain around them to ward off prying eyes. She peeked out from the curtain and waived the nurse over before taking a seat opposite of Ellie.

The two women sat in silence as they waited for the nurse to finish with another resident. Maria wouldn't make eye contact with her, so Ellie just stared at her feet dangling off the side of the bed.

It was uncomfortable, and it wasn’t long before Maria spoke up. “You look like shit.”

Ellie couldn’t help but crack a small smile at how blunt she was, still staring at her feet and bouncing them off the side of the bed. “Feel like it.” There was another pause so Ellie looked up. Maria’s eyes were fixated on her hand. Ellie saw a flash of sympathy in them before they were interrupted by the nurse.

Ellie remembered her well. It was Jo, the oldest of Jackson’s nurses. She was a short, stocky woman with grey, frizzy hair spouting out in every direction. “Well, if it isn’t Ellie,” she said. A toothy grin spread across her round face as she put on a set of new latex gloves. “Been a long time since we’ve seen you, dear.”

Maria stood up, placing her hands on her waist. “She probably needs some antibiotics for those cuts and gashes.” She turned to Ellie, watching as Jo dabbed at her dry blood. “Take a shower here. I’ll bring some fresh clothes over.” She turned to leave.

“Maria, I—“

Not bothering to turn around, she interrupted. “We’ll talk later.”

Ellie sighed briefly before it turned into a hiss. “Ouch, Jo.”

“Tsk, sorry, dear. I’m afraid this is going to take a while.” She continued wiping over the cuts, frowning as Ellie grimaced at the sting. “Oh my. You’ve got to take better care of yourself, Ellie. Why don’t we start with the shower? That way, we can get all of the dirt and dried blood off of you. I'm sure Maria will be back with those clothes within the next ten minutes.”

Ellie agreed and hopped down from the bed. She removed her shoes and made her way to the back. She was no stranger to the layout of the infirmary as she’d ended up here plenty of times, much to Joel’s dismay. And Dina’s.

Ellie winced at the thought. This was the closest she’d been to Dina in months. She didn’t know how to prepare for their eventual meet up. Ellie hoped it would be a couple of weeks before that happened, but she knew that wasn’t realistic. People talked in Jackson.

It wasn’t like she wouldn’t be happy to see her—just that she knew Dina would never forgive her for leaving. And that was just too much for her to handle right now.

She tried to abandon the thought once again, testing the water temperature with her hand before undressing and stepping in. It was lukewarm, about as hot the water got in Jackson. But Ellie wasn’t complaining. It’d been a week or so since she had a real shower like this. Though, she hated the infirmary soap. It always smelled like rubbing alcohol and the sticky, gluey texture made her skin crawl.

Ellie closed her eyes, knowing she had to attempt to clean her wounds. She grazed over them with her thumb, applying light pressure to remove the blood. Most had started to scab over. Her most recent one was pretty bad. Ellie took an arrow to the arm just before she left for Jackson. Some fucking lone vigilante she had to flee from. It took hours to extract.

It was hard living on her own out there, without a community. Without a family.

“Fuck,” she whispered, placing her forearm on the wall and leaning against it. The water trickled down her face as she thought Dina _again_ … about the last time she saw her. She could feel her eyes stinging from tears, but willed them away. If she started crying now, she didn’t know when she would be able to stop.

Now that she was actually here, in Jackson, she wasn’t sure of a plan. Maria probably didn’t have a space for her anyway. Plus, she didn't know if it was really fair to Dina that she just come back like this.

She could feel tears brimming again so she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, trying to clean herself up. She hated thinking about these things, and it was worse because she knew it was all her fault. 

Jo knocked lightly on the bathroom door before opening it. “Ellie, dear? I’m popping in to drop these on the counter for you. Once we’re finished, Maria said to meet her at the diner.”

She sighed. The diner was the most public place in all of Jackson. Ellie didn’t want to risk seeing someone, like Tommy, or alert the town that she was back in case Maria decided she wasn't welcome anymore.

-

Ellie shielded her eyes as she stepped out of the infirmary, her hair still mildly damp from her shower. It had taken Jo about an hour and a half to tend to every cut and sew her arm up, and now it was time for her to meet up with Maria.

As she made her way to the diner, she stayed close to the buildings, trying remain unnoticed by the townsfolk. It didn’t help that she kind of stuck out like a sore thumb with her injuries, especially the cuts on her face. But still, she kept walking forward, her head down, until she reached the diner.

She stood in place for a moment, staring up at the weathered building and shifting her weight nervously to her other foot. She gripped her bag tighter in her hands and walked in, just hoping she didn’t see anyone she knew. When she reached the counter, she found Seth working. _Fuck_.

His eyes widened as he saw her approaching. “Ellie,” he said, almost breathlessly. Seth was certain he’d never see her again. “Um…,” he stared at her awkwardly, “what can I do for ya?”

“Maria in?”

He nodded. “In the back.” When Ellie started making her way behind the counter, he stepped forward. “She expectin’ ya?”

Ellie didn’t spare him a response, instead brushing past him and giving a light knock on the door before entering. She watched as Maria lifted a box of booze onto one of the shelves, dusting her hands off as she looked Ellie’s way.

“You look better,” she said. Ellie nodded in response, waiting for Maria to say something else.

When she didn’t, Ellie nervously rubbed at the back of her neck. “Uh, you taking inventory?” Maria nodded. “Need some help?”

Maria’s eyes narrowed as she stared at the young girl in front of her. After a moment of silence, she chuckled. “That what you came back to Jackson for? To be a pair of helping hands in the diner?”

Ellie sighed. She didn’t really know how to explain herself. She traveled an entire week to come here, with all the time in the world to prepare something, and yet she had nothing. “I, um…. Jackson is my home, you know? It’s not easy living on your own out there.”

“I know it ain’t. Hell, I’m surprised to see you standing in front of me, in one piece.” Ellie could sense a hint of angst in her voice. “I was worried about you, kid. You know, it’s been seven months. When you weren’t back for the first two, we thought you were dead.” She said the word like it stung coming out of her mouth.

Ellie didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to apologize for that. She knew it had been a while, but she would’ve never guessed it’d been seven months. “I wanted to come back, I just… I thought I’d be better off alone for a while.”

Maria didn’t seem satisfied with her response, her arms moving to cross over her chest.

It was obvious to Ellie that she’d done a lot of damage, and maybe she didn’t have Jackson to fall back on. She frowned at the thought, thinking of everything this had cost her. “Look, I… I understand if you don’t want me around. I’ll visit Joel’s grave and be on my way.”

“Hey,” Maria called out, stopping Ellie from walking out. “I’m not gonna send you back out there by yourself.” She paused before saying, “You can stay at Joel’s old place. Tommy never… um. We never got around to packing it up.” Ellie felt her heart sink. She didn’t know if she could live day-to-day with all of his old stuff around her. Maria seemed to pick up on that, so she thought of the old cabin up west. “Or, uh, we have an empty place right on the perimeter. It’s a long walk from everything, and it ain’t pretty, but—“

“That’s okay,” Ellie interrupted. “I don’t need much.”

“All right,” said Maria. “I’ll talk to Jo and see if you’re cleared for patrols tomorrow. If not, you’ll have to work the stables.” A smirk crossed her face as Ellie groaned in disapproval. “Hey, better to be safe.”

Ellie smiled back at her. “I know…. Thanks Maria.”

“Cabin’s a little ways from here. I’ll walk you there.”

“Oh, I was actually gonna stop by the cemetery…, um, you know, to see Joel.”

“Okay.” She gave a warm smile. “I’ll be here until ten, so just come by when you’re done, yeah?” Ellie nodded. The older woman stepped forward and, to Ellie’s surprise, enveloped her in a quick, award hug. As they parted, Maria reassured Ellie. “You always have a place in Jackson.”

Ellie walked out of the diner with a newfound feeling of hope. She could build a life here again. She had to.

She made her way to the Jackson cemetery, trying not to focus on the fact that the number of gravestones had increased since she’d been here last.

She felt breathless as she approached Joel’s grave. The flowers were fresh. It seemed someone visited him often. _Probably Tommy_ , she thought. She looked around to make sure no one was around before she sat down, crossing her legs and staring at his engraved name: **JOEL MILLER**. She played with the grass as she tried to build up the courage to talk out loud, as if he was really able to listen.

“I guess…,” she started, practically whispering. “Um, I guess I just wish you were here. And it just sucks that you aren’t and that…, well, that I was just such a fucking dick to you for the last few years.” Ellie huffed as she thought about it, her eyes stinging as tears brimmed. “Ah, shit. I don’t know. You saved me out there. I know it was you.”

The breeze picked up as fallen leaves scattered over her lap and blew along the grounds. 

Ellie brushed her hair behind her ear and looked up, trying to will herself not to cry. “I’ve been thinking a lot about, like, if you’re not at peace because of me, and…,” she sighed, her voice cracking. She looked at his grave again, her vision blurred. “I just want you to know, if you can hear me, that you don’t have to worry about me anymore. Thank you for protecting me, but I’m going to be okay.”

She sat there for a while longer, hoping the cool breeze would fade the evidence of her crying. Eventually, it started to get dark outside, and she knew she had to head to the diner again to meet up with Maria. She stood up and stared at his grave for a few minutes longer before she said goodbye and went on her way.

-

“We used to have snipers rotate in and out of this cabin, you know.”

Ellie’s eyebrows raised in surprise. The two women were walking side-by-side through the street, surrounded by other residents’ houses. “I didn’t know we had snipers.”

Maria nodded. “We don’t anymore. But I just figured you should know since it’s kind of sat up on a hill, by itself. I wouldn’t put someone there if I didn’t think they could defend themself.” She glanced at Ellie, taking in her appearance. “Not worried about you, though. Looks like you can take a punch or two.”

Ellie laughed at that and the two kept walking on. Maria wasn’t exaggerating when she said it was a long walk. But Ellie didn’t mind being further away from Jackson townsfolk. In fact, it was probably best for her to stick to herself for a while.

She looked up at one of the houses they were about to pass and saw two people standing in a house’s front doorway, facing each other. Ellie’s face turned white as she realized who it was. Her eyes met the guy standing in the threshold. It was Ethan Jones, an older boy Ellie had grown up with. And standing in front of him, back turned to Ellie and Maria, was Dina, she was certain.

“Um, Maria—“ she started to say, hoping they could pick up the pace.

“Ellie?” Ethan said, prompting her and Maria to stop and redirect their gaze to him. Ellie’s heart started racing as a feeling of dread sunk to the bottom of her chest. She tried to take a deep breath but it seemed like there wasn’t any air left.

Ethan looked at Dina, who seemed frozen in place. Ellie watched as he put a hand on her shoulder and asked if she was okay.

She didn’t know if Dina answered him before she slowly turned to face them. She let out a breath as she stared at Ellie, her eyes swelling with tears as she took in the girl’s battered appearance. Her hand shakily moved to cover her agape mouth.

Ellie didn’t know if it was her mind imagining it, but silence fell across the entire settlement. She couldn’t hear anything—not the chirps of the birds in the trees, or the sounds of kids playing down the path, or even the sound of wood being chopped a few houses down. Just silence as she watched Dina hastily approaching her, tears streaming down her face. Dina rushed into her arms, both of them stumbling back from the weight. Her hands shook violently as they gripped Ellie’s shirt, the sounds of her crying bringing Ellie back from her trancelike state.

“I thought you were dead,” she whispered, her voice trembling. Ellie pulled her in closer, tearing up as she did so, and sighed heavily—one of exhaustion… and of relief. She couldn’t believe she was holding her… and she couldn’t believe Dina was holding her back.

“I’m sorry,” Ellie said. It was all she could think of. “Dina, I’m… so _sorry_.”

And then, like a switch, Dina pushed her away. Ellie caught her footing, surprised at the force behind it. They stared at each other, Dina’s nose red from crying, her eyes swirling with resentment, and Ellie’s filled with remorse.

Dina pushed her back again, and then once more. “I thought you were _dead_ ,” she seethed, her hands clenching into fists. As she stared at her, all she could hear was the sound of the screen door slamming as Ellie left. She still cringed at the thought of it. She pushed her back one last time before her fists clashed against Ellie’s chest, beating the sides of them into her. Dina could hear Maria telling her to cut it out as Ellie tried to hold her off, but she kept hitting and pushing her. She was so fucking angry at her. “This is your,” _hit_ , “fucking,” _hit_ , “fault!” _Hit_. Ellie groaned with pain as the last hit accidentally landed on her face, busting her lip open. She could taste blood pooling in her mouth from the force of teeth hitting flesh. A small amount dripped from the corner of her mouth and she brought her hand up to wipe at it.

Maria yanked Ellie back, out of Dina’s reach. “Damn it, Dina! I said cut it out!”

Ethan had run over to them in the midst of the scuffle. He wrapped himself around Dina’s thrashing arms, and only then did she stop fighting, immediately turning to his chest and sobbing into it. She watched as Dina broke down in front her eyes, horrified at what she was seeing. She'd never seen Dina like this before, and she fucking _hated_ that she was cause of it.

Ethan looked worried as Ellie subconsciously stepped closed to the dark haired girl. His eyes flickered to meet Ellie’s, before he gripped Dina tighter. “C’mon, Dina. Let’s get you home.”

Ellie watched as the two stumbled off in the opposite direction before she shut her eyes tight, thinking about what had just happened. “Fuck,” she huffed.

Maria awkwardly looked at her, patting her shoulder to make sure she was alright. Ellie straightened up, not wanting Maria to see her upset. “I reckon I was right about you being able to take a punch.”

“Good one,” Ellie said sarcastically, jaw clenched. They made the rest of the trip in silence, until they reached the base of the small hill.

Maria watched Ellie’s facial expression closely upon her seeing the cabin in full view. “Like I said, it ain’t much but it’s all we’ve got… Unless you think Joel’s house is—“

“This is fine.” Ellie interrupted, forcing a smile. “It really is, Maria, I—thank you.” Maria nodded and handed over the keys as Ellie spared her one last glance before walking toward the cabin alone. She hoped Maria wouldn’t follow to try to talk to her about what had just happened.

She took to the stairs to reach the porch when the middle step broke from her weight, causing Ellie to stumble as her foot fell through to the ground underneath. She gritted her teeth in pain as the broken wood scraped up her ankle. Ellie glanced downhill for Maria but the older woman had taken her earlier hint and headed back to the diner.

“Son of a bitch,” she whispered to herself, lifting her leg out of the hole. Ellie fumbled with the key before attempting to unlock the door. It stuck in its place. She sighed as she tried a few more times with no luck. Growing frustrated, she hit the side of the door with her shoulder, causing it to fly open and her tumble inside. She hit the ground will a dull thud, dust rising up around her from the impact. As she rose to her feet, coughing, she looked around for a light switch.

The yellow lights flickered before staying on and Ellie thought that Maria was right—it wasn’t much. The kitchen and bathroom were small, but functional, which was more than Ellie could say for most of the places she’d crashed in while she was away from Jackson. To the right of the door was a bed and to the left was a chair, which Ellie assumed was technically considered the living room.

It was far away from everything though, and Ellie was grateful for that. It was obvious she’d hurt a lot of people here and she didn’t want to be in anyone’s way. She didn’t want to be in Dina’s way. Tears welled in her eyes at the thought of her and Ellie huffed, looking up so they didn’t fall. She didn’t want to cry—she didn’t deserve to. She’d brought this on herself, and she knew that.

She kept repeating that to herself, hoping it would work, but the tears kept coming… and eventually, she couldn’t hold them in. She just crawled onto the stripped bed and stopped trying to fight it. Dina hated her, worse than Ellie could have imagined. And, as it turned out, Ellie was nowhere near prepared to deal with that fact.


	2. Chapter 2

Ellie woke to a loud banging on the cabin’s door, the impact causing the wood structure around her to creak louder with every pound. She sat upright and took a few seconds to wipe the sleep from her eyes before she opened it, squinting from how bright the morning sun was.

There was a girl standing there, about Ellie’s age, though Ellie didn’t recognize her. She was taller, with short, curly black hair, and wearing black sunglasses. “You always open the door to unknown visitors?”

Ellie furrowed her eyebrows. “What?”

“Well, I could’ve been anyone,” the girl said, leaning against the doorframe. “What if I was some outsider that happened to make it over the fence, only to come knock on your door?”

“Then I would kill you,” she answered, matter-of-factly. “Who are you, anyway?”

“Fair enough. I’m Lou. We’re on pat—“ she stopped suddenly, her mouth quirking upwards. “Did you get punched in the face?” Ellie blanched, her hand flying up to her lip. It had swelled some overnight. Lou chuckled lightly at the sight. “Not a warm welcome back, huh?” Ellie gave her a confused look before Lou explained. “I came here after you left, but, uh, Maria made damn sure the whole town knew your face.” She paused, watching as Ellie shifted her weight, growing uncomfortable with the silence. “She must be really mad at you to stick you out in this shithole. Or mad at me to make me come all the way out here…. Anyway, we’re on patrol together.”

Ellie lit up. Finally, some good news: she had been cleared for patrol. “Oh, yeah—uh, give me a sec.”

She turned back inside and ruffled through her bag to find her toothbrush before heading into the bathroom to get ready. Ellie grimaced upon seeing her reflection in the mirror, cuts and old bruises littering her complexion. Her bottom lip was swollen on the side, and she still had dried blood surrounding the cut. It was painful to the touch but nothing Ellie hadn’t experienced before.

It was weird for her—looking at herself. It had been the first time in a while that Ellie’d been in front of a mirror, and she barely recognized her own reflection. She quickly broke eye contact and stared down at the sink as she brushed her teeth, not interested in seeing how much all of this had taken a toll on her. Seconds felt like minutes as she stayed in there. She hated that she couldn’t even look herself in the eyes. It wasn’t just the bathroom, though—the whole cabin felt suffocating. There was nothing to focus on in such a small space but herself and her thoughts. Her hands gripped the sides of the sink as she spit, and she had to take a deep breath to collect herself.

She was eager to focus on something else as she glided out of the cabin, past Lou, and started down the steps, being sure to skip the broken one. Lou followed behind before catching up, and the two girls started toward the front gates together.

It was silent for a few minutes before Lou spoke. “So do you always sleep in your clothes, or…?”

Ellie glanced at her, a small laugh escaping her lips. “Not normally. It’s just, uh…,” Ellie frowned, “I was just really tired yesterday, so.”

Lou nodded. “So, where’d you run off to?”

“Lots of places,” Ellie answered.

“By yourself?”

“Yeah.”

Lou’s eyebrows raised. “That’s pretty stupid.”

Ellie looked at her again, another smile creeping up before she nodded. “Yeah. You’re right.”

Lou was really funny, at least Ellie thought so. She couldn’t remember the last time someone actually made her laugh. Maybe it was good that she’d waited so long to come back. Maybe there would be enough new residents to drown out the reminders of the older ones.

Ellie was pretty sure the only person she knew in Jackson who still liked her was Maria, and even then, she knew she was on thin ice. So, it was nice to start fresh with someone new.

“How long have you been here?” Ellie asked.

“About five months.” Lou looked over at her. “Just a little before they called off the search parties for you.” She watched as Ellie’s face fell before she broke eye contact to make it less awkward. Ellie’s mouth went dry as she searched for a response. She didn’t know they looked for her— _why_ would they look for her? “Your girlfriend was pretty pissed no one could find you.”

Ellie didn’t respond. Her heart rate picked up pace as she thought about Dina and what she must have felt going through that. She felt sick with herself that she was cause of it.

Ellie didn’t care to speak for the rest of the walk, so they traveled in silence until they reached the gates. Maria was waiting for them—specifically, for Ellie. She handed Ellie a gun and put her hand on her shoulder. “Be careful out there. Jo said your arm’s still not at one hundred percent, alright?”

“Yeah, okay. I will be.”

Maria looked to Lou, and the girl straightened up, seemingly nervous. “Try to keep up.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Ellie stifled a laugh as Maria walked off. “ _Ma’am_?”

Lou looked at her, eyes wide. “How does she not terrify you?”

“You’re scared of Maria?”

“You’re _not_?”

The freckled girl laughed wholeheartedly, the sound being drowned out by the gates opening in front of them. “Oh, no, I am. I’ve just never heard anyone admit it.”

“I hope I have to, like, save your life or something out here, so I can impress her.”

Ellie grinned as the both of them mounted their horses and passed the gates of Jackson. “I’ll try to throw myself in harm’s way.”

“I know you’re kidding, but please do that for me,” she jokingly pleaded.

-

Patrol had been pretty uneventful, as usual. They were able to take out a few Infected from afar, but that was about it. Ellie’d had a good time though being with Lou, who was one hell of a marksman—and, if she was being honest, a reckless one at that.

After saying goodbye to her, Ellie started to make her way back to the cabin. She didn’t think there was anything left for her to do but sit by herself in the furthest corner of Jackson there was.

As she was walking, she slowed as she approached the side of the daycare building. She wondered if JJ was there. She would’ve given anything to see him… to hold him. Ellie made her way to the front of the building where there was a large window. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him, right in the center of the room, playing with a toy. He was so _big_ … Ellie couldn’t believe how big he’d gotten.

And then he stood up and started _walking_. Ellie’s breath hitched in amazement as she moved toward the glass, her hand hovering over it. She was beaming as she watched him. Her baby boy could _walk_.

“What the hell are you _doing_ here?”

Ellie turned around, her smile dropping at the sight of Dina. Her eyes were underlined with dark circles and she looked furious as she waited for an answer. Ellie stumbled back, trying to put as much space in between them as possible. “Sorry, I’m just…,” she struggled to find the right words, feeling weak as Dina stared her down expectantly. Ellie shouldn’t have been here, for this exact reason. She should’ve been at home, tucked far away from Dina’s line of sight. “I’m… I—sorry, um…, I was just…, sorry—“

“Are you going to answer me or are you just going to keep repeating yourself?” Dina interrupted, frustration evident in her voice, though Ellie could hear it quiver. It was obvious she’d caught Dina off guard.

“Sorry,” she repeated. “I was just passing by and thought I’d look in.”

“Look in on JJ? Why?” she asked, focusing in on Ellie with a merciless expression.

Ellie swallowed hard, glancing at JJ briefly before focusing back on Dina. “I guess I just wanted to see him and—“

Dina stepped closer at that, almost protective of her son. “That’s not really your right anymore.”

The two girls stared at each other in silence, Dina’s eyes shimmering with anger. Ellie wondered if she’d ever get to see Dina look at her with anything but fury ever again. “Yeah…,” she finally said. She felt weak and defeated as she agreed. “Okay.” Ellie didn’t want to argue with her, and she knew she didn’t really have anything to defend herself on. “I just can’t believe he can walk,” she said, trying to ease the tension with a small smile.

“Yeah, it turns out babies don’t stop growing even if you leave them for seven months.”

Ellie looked down in shame, exhaling a deep breath. “Yeah.”

Dina stared at the girl in front of her for a minute or so, her hard expression faltering as she did. She knew she had to say what she needed to say, and quick, else she would lose the courage. “Ellie, I don’t want to see you around here.”

Ellie met her eyes, a questioning and fearful look in them. “What, the daycare?”

“Anywhere,” she said. “Anywhere near me or my son.”

Ellie stopped breathing at that, stepping forward to try to argue. “Dina—“

“You know,” she continued, “I used to pray that, somehow, you were alive out there… that, _somehow_ , you’d find your way back to me. But you became a ghost, Ellie. Nobody heard from you ever again—nobody could fucking _find_ you… and, for my own sanity, I had to make peace with the fact that you were dead.” Dina’s voice was shaky, and her eyes glistened with fresh tears. She shook her head, feeling anger return and settle at the low point of her chest. “And now that you’re back… _alive_ …, it’s like…,” she sighed, “I’ve already grieved you.”

Ellie’s forehead creased as she tried to understand what Dina was saying. She took a step back as the words replayed in her head and gave a short, mirthless laugh out of disbelief. _I’ve already grieved you_. Her eyes hardened as she took one last look at Dina before mumbling, “Sorry to disappoint.” She didn’t spare another glance as she walked off, astonished that Dina would say something like that to her. Truthfully, she couldn’t fucking believe it. She knew she hurt Dina in a way that was unimaginable—unforgivable, even. But to wish Ellie was still considered dead was something else entirely. 

Ellie had tried for months to prepare herself for Dina never wanting to see her again. But there was nothing she could’ve have done to prepare herself for that. She felt a knot forming in her throat as she thought about it. She just needed to get home. She needed to be alone.

As she rushed down the street, she heard a familiar voice call out her name. She froze in place, her thoughts about Dina disappearing immediately. She could recognize that voice anywhere—it was Tommy. “Ellie! That you, girl?”

She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to disappear into thin air. This was the last thing she could handle right now. But when Ellie opened her eyes and found she was still in the middle of town, she sighed before succumbing to her dread. She turned around to see her adoptive uncle stumbling toward her, cane in hand. “Hey, Tommy.”

“Where you been, Ellie? Heard you came in yesterday. Those fellas at the front gate had them guns pulled on ya, huh?” He asked. Ellie grimaced as the thick smell of alcohol flooded her senses—he was drunk.

“Yeah, uh…,” she looked away, an overwhelming sense of guilt approaching her as they talked. “Maria sent me to the infirmary to get cleaned up. I was there for most of the day. Sorry I didn’t stop by.”

“S’alright. I been meaning to make my way out there to you. It’s just so damn far, you know, with my leg and all.” He glanced down to her hand, eyes widening as he noticed the missing fingers. “Must’ve been a helluva fight.”

Ellie frowned. “Yeah.”

“Well, why don’t we head back to mines? Crack open a beer and uh,” he grinned wide, and Ellie noticed he’d lost a few teeth since the last time she saw him, “you can tell me all about your adventures. Spare no details and the like.” Tommy winked. She faltered at his invitation, but he kept walking, his cane struggling under his unsteady weight. “C’mon.”

“Tommy, wait.” Ellie huffed, her hand nervously jittering to her face before she struck it down to her side. She hesitated as he asked her if something was wrong. She didn’t know how to answer that. Since the moment she let Abby go, one of the things she feared most was Tommy’s reaction. And now, standing in the middle of Jackson, she couldn’t put it off any longer.

She looked at him, trying to silently plead for forgiveness with her eyes, before she weakly said, “I couldn’t do it.”

Tommy straightened up, his expression tense. “The hell you mean you ‘couldn’t’?”

“I found her in Santa Barbara…. She’d been tied up…, starved, tortured—“

“That don’t matter to me, less it was by your hand!” He yelled, garnering the attention of other townspeople who were looking over at his outburst. He didn’t seem to care as he continued. “What’re you tryin’ to tell me here, Ellie? You fuckin’ let her go?”

Ellie stepped closer to him, feeling uneasy at the prying eyes of everyone around them. Her voice lowered, and her eyes were filled with shame. “Look, Tommy, I… I had her—in the water, she was… I _had_ her… but I…,” Ellie looked down, almost wincing as the thought of Abby fighting for air came to mind. “I just… I couldn’t.”

“This some kind of fuckin’ joke?” When Ellie didn’t respond, he stepped closer. “Answer me, girl! You’re tellin’ me you _had_ her. What in the hell made you let her go?”

“Joel wouldn’t have wanted me to—“

“You don’t know _what_ Joel woulda wanted.” He glared down at her, lip twitching with anger. “Don’t try to tell me about my own brother. You ain’t his blood, Ellie, and you sure as hell ain’t his family. You don’t get to make those fuckin’ decisions!”

Ellie frowned, offended Tommy would say something like that. She studied him, trying to see if there was a hint of regret in his expression, but she could only see surging rage. Her sympathy for the man standing in front of her quickly replaced itself with anger. “You thought of me as family when you asked me to give everything up in my life to fight for this—to fight for _you_. Maybe next time you should fight your own fucking battles.”

Tommy stumbled forward and grabbed her arm. “I thought you were a woman of your word, but you’re nothin’ but a goddamned liar, Ellie. You promised me you’d make her pay.” She struggled against his grip so he tightened it, pulling her closer. “You’re fuckin’ dead to me, kid. You’re a fuckin’ _ghost_!”

Tommy shoved her to the side, watching as she fell to the ground. She groaned as she landed on her arm, the wound from the arrow radiating pain throughout her entire muscle. Without much thought, she forcefully grabbed his ankle and pulled him down with her, causing him to take a hard fall. A muffled scream teared through the air as his leg collided with the ground.

Ellie staggered to her feet, gripping her arm. Jaw clenched, she stared down at the pitiful man. “Fuck you, Tommy.” She turned to walk off and met eyes with Dina, who’d watched the altercation from afar along with the rest of the crowd. Ellie felt disgust as she looked at her, an emotion she wasn’t used to.

She quickly composed herself as she saw a few men rush to Tommy’s aide before she walked off. She should’ve never stopped by the daycare. _None_ of this would have happened if she just minded her business and went home.

Ellie frustratedly exhaled as she continued walking, brushing dirt off of her jacket only after the searing pain in her arm turned dull. She knew she shouldn’t have dragged Tommy down with her—he was a drunk, and he was grieving—but she lost Joel, too. And she was sick of people downplaying that. Joel was her only family. Not by blood, but that didn’t fucking matter.

Ellie decided to cut through a field to shorten the walk home, only to realize halfway through that it was fenced in on the other side. She let out a long sigh, exhausted from the day’s events, before she looked around and ultimately decided to sit down on the grass for a break. She just needed a second to breathe, and maybe sitting outside would make her feel better than sitting in the cramped cabin.

She thought about Dina, mostly. Ellie wasn’t sure what to do—she didn’t want to leave Jackson. She’d tried living on her own and it was unbearable. It was cold and brutal and lonely; nothing like when her and Joel used to travel together. Sure, that’d been dangerous, being just the two of them, but at least they’d had each other. She sighed, moving to lay down as she closed her eyes. Lately, Ellie had been thinking a lot about what her life would’ve been like had Joel never brought them to Jackson. He might’ve still been alive, and so much of the pain she was experiencing now would’ve never happened. But Ellie knew that nothing was guaranteed, and truthfully, they probably both would’ve ended up dead had they not sought solace here. Even so, Ellie liked thinking about it. She liked thinking about the two of them fixing up a home together and watching movies every night. She liked thinking about the adventures they would’ve went on.

She just missed him. She missed him a lot. And now she was back in Jackson, but she still felt alone. Maybe she was just meant to be alone. Maybe she shouldn’t have come back.

“Well, if it isn’t Smelly Ellie.” Ellie’s thoughts were interrupted by a voice above her. Her eyes fluttered open to see her ex-girlfriend, Cat. The sun was peaking out from behind her as she stood over Ellie, lighting up the dangling strands of her choppy, black hair. “I heard you were back in town but I didn’t believe the rumors.”

Ellie gave a weak smile. She was happy to see Cat, really, even if it hadn’t ended so well with them. “You know, I never liked that nickname.”

Cat laughed in response, a sound Ellie didn’t know she missed. It was loud; infectious. “What are you doing out here? Have you finally lost what little was left of your mind?”

“No, I’m just waiting for, like, a sinkhole to swallow me up, or something.”

“Oof,” Cat said, eyebrows raising. “Rough day?”

“Not at all.” Ellie sighed, shifting over as Cat lowered herself down to lay beside her. The grass rustled lightly at the movement and Ellie was glad she wasn’t laying there alone any longer. “It’s just that everyone hates me and wishes I was dead.”

Cat’s eyes glanced over to meet the side of Ellie’s face and she frowned in response. “Come on, Ellie. That’s not true.”

Ellie didn’t respond, instead closing her eyes again as the sun was starting to set. She didn’t want Cat to think she was feeling sorry for herself so she decided to change the subject. “So, how long have you been back in Jackson?”

“A month or so,” she answered. “They have me at the daycare.”

Ellie’s eyes opened at that and she turned her head to look at her. Her eyes narrowed playfully as she studied Cat. “You’re full of shit.”

“I’m not!” Cat insisted. “I’m there _all day_.”

“ _You_? With _kids_?”

Cat turned on her side to face Ellie, giving her a knowing look. “I could say the same about you.”

Ellie’s playful expression diminished at that, her mind drifting to JJ. She couldn’t believe she’d missed his first steps—or any other milestones that he’d reached while she was out living on her own.

A flash of worry spread across Cat’s face, embarrassed she’d said something to offend her. “Oh, I didn’t mean—“

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” she said. “Well, do you like it there?”

“I actually do,” Cat replied. “I was getting sick of stable cleaning.”

Ellie grinned at her, remembering the countless hours she endured listening to her ex-girlfriend complain about it. “So much so that you left.”

Cat arched an eyebrow, shifting to get more comfortable as she laid on her side. “I think we both know why I left,” she said, referring to their breakup. Cat paused for a moment as she thought about it. “How is she, anyway?”

Ellie looked back up at the sky at the mention of her, not wanting to answer the question, especially since Cat was the one asking it—but Ellie knew Cat well enough to know she _wouldn’t_ stop asking, so she thought the best thing to do was get it over with. “Fine, I think—or she was, until I showed up.” Ellie sighed, picking at the grass beside her. “She was better off thinking I was dead.” Cat immediately protested, wanting to reassure Ellie, but before she could get any words out, Ellie cut her off. “She told me so.” Ellie could feel anger bubbling up inside of her again and she didn’t want to accidentally take it out on the wrong person—though she didn’t know if there was exactly a _right_ person. “Anyway, I don’t really want to talk about it.”

The older girl seemed to understand and, to Ellie’s surprise, didn’t push the subject further. Instead, they laid together until sunset, filling the air with breathless laughs as they reminisced together about the past.

Cat always liked to tease her about the first time they kissed—about how freaked out Ellie was. Of course, Ellie could never tell her the real reason she reacted in such a frantic way, which was because she thought she might’ve been contagious… and Ellie could never tell her that she stayed up the entire night, watching Cat sleep, to make sure she didn’t turn. But she never resented playing along as a fearful inexperienced girl who was just nervous to have her “first” kiss. To be fair, she _was_ pretty inexperienced when they started dating.

Ellie had always liked Cat. She was spontaneous, creative, and she never seemed to care about what anyone else thought of her. It just didn’t work out with them though, on account of Ellie being in love with Dina the entire time. She still felt shitty about the way things ended, but it wasn’t like Cat to hold grudges. That was another thing she liked about her.

When it got dark, they decided to part ways and head home. Ellie was surprised at how much time they’d passed just talking. 

Nearing the end of her walk back to the cabin, the path was practically pitch black as there weren’t any other homes nearby. She almost thought she was lost before she could see the outline of her place to the far west of her.

As she grew closer to the cabin, she swore she could see movement on her porch. It was faint, but there appeared to be a dark silhouette pacing back and forth in front of her front door. Ellie slowed and drew her gun out, pointing it toward the cabin as she approached. In response, the silhouette stepped forward into the moonlight and Ellie could make out that it was Ethan Jones, the man who walked Dina home yesterday.

She sighed in relief, lowering her weapon and walking toward him. “What are you doing here?”

He looked upset—angry, even—as Ellie approached him. “I could ask you the same.”

Ellie squinted her eyes in confusion, wondering what point he was trying to prove. This was _Ethan Jones_ —a guy Ellie had spoken to maybe once or twice in her life—and now he was standing on her porch, demanding some sort of an explanation from her. “You’re asking me what I’m doing at my own house?”

Ethan’s eyes narrowed, seemingly growing impatient with the conversation. His voice grew deeper…, colder. “You know what I mean. What are you doing here in Jackson?”

“What do you care? I barely know you.”

“What I _care_ about is Dina,” he seethed. “Unlike you.” Ellie’s jaw clenched at the mention of her. “So, I’m gonna ask you again: what the fuck are you doing here?”

Ellie’s temper sparked at his audacity and it took every ounce of strength she had not to reach for the revolver in her back pocket. “You need to leave.”

“Or what? You gonna shoot me?” He mocked, scoffing at her tough demeanor. “You know, you’re supposed to check your weapons in at the gate—or does Maria make exceptions for Jackson’s golden child?”

“I’m telling you now… it’s in your best interest to get the fuck off my porch.” Ellie said, her voice stern. She walked up the steps and tried to brush past him when he stepped in her way, looming over her. Ellie glared at him, her eyes filled with ice.

“Hey, I’m not done talking to you. Point is, I’m not gonna let you mess this up for us. Stay the fuck away from her.” Ethan lingered for a moment longer, waiting for her response. When she didn’t give one, he mumbled something under his breath before he shuffled down the steps and walked off.

Ellie stood there for a second, trying to stop herself from following him just to pummel him into the ground, before she finally relented and went inside. She looked around at all of her stuff and found herself wondering how easy it would be just to pack it all up again and leave. The thought didn’t last long though before she sat on her bed, scaring herself at the realization that maybe Jackson was as good as it was going to get for her.

 _It was just about surviving_ , she told herself. _It would always be about surviving_.

Even if she was running out of things to survive for.


	3. Chapter 3

“You alright?” Lou asked, looking down at Ellie as she dismounted her horse. The two girls stood together in the stables, alone, as they’d just returned from patrol.

Ellie met her gaze, confused by the question. “I’m fine. Why?”

“Your arm looks like it’s been bothering you.”

Ellie glanced at the gauze and then back to Lou. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t worried about it. It’d been a little over two weeks since she’d taken an arrow to her upper arm and, yeah, it fucking hurt. “It’s a little sore.” Ellie admitted, though it was an understatement.

“What if it’s infected?”

Ellie frowned at the suggestion, her anxiety over the wound increasing. “Why would you say that?”

She shrugged, stepping closer to her. “Let me see it.”

Ellie almost protested, but figured it’d take less energy not to. She peeled back the gauze to reveal a deep, and barely scabbed over, cut. It wasn’t the worst injury she’d ever had—she attributed that award to her missing fingers—but it was definitely vying for second place.

Lou’s face scrunched up in disgust. “Why is that not stitched up?”

“It _was_ , but they ripped.”

“Oh, yeah. When you fought that old man, right?” Lou asked. Ellie grimaced, embarrassed, and gave a small ‘yep’ in response. As Lou stared at the cut longer, her disgust faded. She seemed almost nonchalant as she said, “It’s probably fine.”

“You think so?” Ellie asked, feeling better from her response.

“I don’t know.” Lou shrugged again. “Why don’t you go see Jo?”

Ellie sighed, her hopeful feelings being dashed once again. She covered the wound back up and tried not to flinch as she pressed the tape in to her skin. “Because she’ll tell Maria to put me on stable rotation until it’s healed, and I’d rather die of sepsis.”

Lou blinked in response, her eyebrows raising at that. She gave a soft chuckle in response. “Kind of worries me you don’t value your life more since we go on patrol together, but alright, I guess.”

“Says the woman who fires straight blank shots into the air.” Ellie laughed. “It’s only a matter of time before we’re taken down by some group with the likes of the Rattlers.”

“Hey, firing a shot into the air from a _safe_ distance to shoot Infected is a genius idea, first of all.” Lou said. “Who the hell are the Rattlers?”

Ellie’s face fell as she thought about it, and she quickly tried to recover to avoid additional questions. “Just this group in Santa Barbara.” Lou seemed to notice the change in her expression but didn’t press her on it, instead nodding silently. “Hey, I should head home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ellie hustled out of the stable, shoving her revolver inside her jacket pocket. She kept her head down as she walked to the main street, ready to head home. Truthfully, she thought about the Rattlers more than she liked to admit. She just knew it was something that would always stay with her, no matter how far away she was from the coast. She often wondered if there were more of them, and if so, how many and how close they were. It was pure luck that she’d escaped their trap. If that Clicker hadn’t been there, she probably would have ended strung up next to Abby.  
Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard her name being called from across the street. It was Maria, waiving her over. She almost felt too ashamed to approach her. After what happened with Tommy yesterday, Ellie was certain the news of their scuffle had gotten back to her. Despite her nerves, she crossed the street and greeted her, albeit awkwardly.

“Eventful day yesterday?” Maria asked, giving her a knowing look.

Ellie blushed in response, her hand moving to the back of her neck out of embarrassment. “I guess you could say that.” Maria silently stared at her, waiting for her to say something else. Ellie felt like she was a small child being chastised, so she attempted to defend herself. “He came at me first—”

Maria immediately waived a hand up to silence her. “Not really interested in the details.”

“Well, I’m not going to apologize,” Ellie said, almost defiant.

“I didn’t say you had to.” She frowned as she looked at the young girl. “You know, Ellie, he’s not himself anymore.”

Ellie crossed her arms, indignant at Maria defending her ex-husband. “None of us are. That doesn’t give him an excuse to—“

“Listen, I’m not excusing anything,” she interrupted. “I’m just saying that grief makes people do and say things they don’t mean… and I think you know that to be true, better than a lot of people do.”

Ellie exhaled deeply, hating that Maria was right. There was a pause in the air before she reluctantly agreed. “Yeah.”

“I know it hasn’t been easy for you… coming back.”

“No,” Ellie teased, “everyone’s been so welcoming.”

Maria smirked at her. “Just try to keep your head up, kid. I worry about you.”

“Okay,” Ellie said. She internally fought with herself before she admitted, “I guess I am sorry about Tommy.”

“Your secret’s safe with me.” Maria gave her a smile before she turned to leave.

“Hey, Maria?” Ellie called, stopping her. “Um…, Ethan Jones came by the cabin last night.”

Maria furrowed her eyebrows. “And?”

“I was just wondering… like, hypothetically… how much trouble I’d be in if I shot someone?”

Maria’s eyes widened and she looked around to see if anyone else was listening. She stepped closer to Ellie and lowered her voice. “Don’t joke about that, Ellie.”

“It was a hypothetical question.” Maria’s lips tightened, unimpressed. “Okay, it wasn’t. I almost shot him but—”

“Ellie,” she warned in a stern whisper.

“He was threatening me, sort of.”

Maria tilted her head, her eyes narrowing. “ _Ethan Jones_ was threatening you? About what?”

“Well, not threatening me, but—“ Maria scoffed. “He was ‘ _warning_ ’ me to stay away from Dina.” She became frustrated again as she thought about it and Maria mumbled ‘ _oh boy_ ’ quietly. “I don’t really need some possessive asshole corning me at my own house.”

Maria didn’t respond to that, instead studying her. Her tone was serious as she asked, “What are your intentions with her, anyway?”

Ellie blanched, not anticipating the question. She guessed it was fair of Maria to ask though. She could only imagine how much damage control she had to do after Ellie left. Ellie took a deep breath before she answered. “She told me to stay away, so that’s what I’m doing.”

Maria didn’t seem impressed with the response. “You know, I think she deserves some answers from you.”

“She doesn’t want to see me.”

The older woman frowned. “As someone who’s been around her since the day you left, I’m going to tell you, you need to make it right.” She didn’t bother waiting for a response as she clapped her hands together. “Now, look, I’ve got about a thousand things to do today so I’ve gotta run—oh, before I forget, Ellie, I must emphasize that you are not to shoot that boy.”

Ellie groaned, frustrated. “ _Fine_.”

“And… it might do you good to make a friend, alright?”

Ellie partly gaped as Maria walked off. Ellie had a friend. In fact, she had two, almost. Three, if you counted Maria.

She stopped at that realization, eyes closing as she took it in. Maria was right. She didn’t really have any friends she could talk to about stuff that was bothering her. She had Cat, but it was kind of awkward to talk about Dina, on account of their break up which was entirely due to the fact that Ellie was in love with her and not Cat.

Anyway, Ellie didn’t really ever talk about her feelings before Joel died, and that wasn’t going to change. The thought of him made her decide to go visit his grave before turning in for the night—though, technically, the sun hadn’t even set. Ellie always enjoyed the walk to the Jackson cemetery, as strange as that sounded. After she passed a certain point of the town, there were just a lot less people around. She knew Joel would appreciate that—knowing there was a little less foot traffic near his resting place—and that made her happy, in her own weird way.

As she walked up to his grave, she found herself feeling a sense of panic, almost. She wondered if she’d ever get used to seeing his name on that slab of stone. It was like every time she saw it, she was reminded that she was genuinely alone in the world now. Joel was all she had for a really, really long time, and she didn’t know how long it would take her to completely accept and be okay with the fact that he was truly gone. She didn’t like thinking about it too much, because she knew there was a possibility that she could dig herself into a hole she’d never get out of.

She could hear leaves crinkling under the weight of someone walking up behind her, so she turned. She met eyes with Dina, who was holding flowers in her hand. Ellie glanced to the grave before looking back at her, making the connection that she’d been the one leaving fresh flowers there.

Dina shifted awkwardly under her stare. “I was just going to leave these.”

Ellie nodded and started to walk off without a response. Dina didn’t want her around, and after what she said yesterday, Ellie wasn’t going to linger any longer than necessary.

“You can stay,” Dina said quickly. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s fine,” Ellie said. She didn’t bother to stop, or turn around, as she continued to walk off.

She tried not to focus on the fact that Dina had been brining him flowers frequently. She didn’t want to read into that. She _couldn’t_ read into that, for her own mental health. She just wanted something, _anything_ , to focus on other than that.

And then, she saw Cat down the street. Ellie grinned as she met her eyes and Cat lit up in response, the girl practically skipping her way over to her.

“Hey!” She greeted her with a hug. “I guess you haven’t found a sinkhole to swallow you up yet.”

Ellie laughed at the reference to their conversation from yesterday. “No, not yet, but keep me posted if you hear anything.”

“Scout’s honor,” Cat joked. “So, what’s up? What are you doing tonight? You want to get a drink together?”

“Oh, I…,” Ellie began, taken off guard by the invite. “I’m actually just going home for the night.”

“Oh, come on,” she protested. “It’ll be fun.”

Ellie hesitated at her persistence. “I don’t know, Cat.”

“ _Come on_.” She insisted. “I just have to grab my stuff.”

“At the daycare?”

“Yeah,” she said, walking off in that direction.

Ellie followed reluctantly before stopping. “Hey, I can’t.”

Cat turned around and furrowed her eyebrows at Ellie’s continued hesitance. “Why not?”

“Dina doesn’t want me hanging around there. I’ll just meet you at the bar.”

“Ellie, that’s… ridiculous. We’ll just be a few seconds. Just come on.”

“I really shouldn’t—“

“You’ll be fine!” Cat said, exasperated. She turned back around without waiting for a response, and Ellie timidly followed.

Soon, they passed through the small gate, and Cat shuffled up the wooden steps to the building on their right, where they took care of the town’s infants. Ellie lingered behind her for a few moments before finally relenting with a huff and walking inside.

She could literally _hear_ how loud her heart was beating in her chest. She was in the same room as JJ. She saw him—he was right there, playing with a shape sorting toy. She watched from a distance, observing every move he made. He’d grown so much in the months she’d been gone. She wondered how long he’d been walking—what his first word was.

“Do you want to hold him?” Cat asked.

Ellie tore her eyes away from her boy and looked at her, eyes widening. “What? Oh, no— _no_ , Dina would—“

“Can you forget about Dina for one second?” Cat interrupted. “She’s not even here.”

Ellie swallowed hard, shaking her head. “Still, I… I can’t.” Cat gave her a knowing look, almost amused, before she started walking toward JJ anyway. “Hey, _I said no_.” Ellie said, raising her voice. Her heart ached as she said it.

Cat looked at her, surprised at her tone, and was met with a harsh, severe expression before Ellie stormed out. Her face fell, worried that she’d offended her, and followed her outside. “Ellie—“

“What the fuck, Cat?” She yelled, walking down the steps to distance herself from the building. She knew she shouldn’t have went inside. “That was not cool.”

Cat blanched, almost stuttering as she spilled out, “I was just trying to do something nice for you.”

“Why would you? I already told you Dina doesn’t want me near him.”

“Well, that’s bullshit, Ellie, and you know it.”

“It doesn’t really fucking matter what you think!” She fired back. “It’s Dina’s decision to make and you shouldn’t be asking me to go against it, anyway.” Ellie’s hand gestured to the daycare. “Do you think I _want_ to say no to holding him? I don’t need you to force me to make that decision.”

“Ellie, I’m _sorry_.” Cat said. “Just calm down.”

She exhaled deeply, lowing her head as she tried to regain her composure. Ellie knew it wasn’t Cat’s fault—Cat didn’t make her abandon her family—it was just… having to say no to the opportunity to hold him in her arms really messed with her head. She frowned as she looked at her again. “Just… go get your stuff and you can meet me at the bar. I need a drink.”

Ellie crossed the street alone, the town a little quieter than usual. She hoped the area near the bar in the diner wouldn’t be packed like it usually was. Truthfully, Ellie hadn’t had a drink in a long time. She pretty much stopped drinking altogether once Dina found out she was pregnant, and alcohol was fairly scarce during the last seven months, even when she raided abandoned grocery stores.

She opened the door to Jackson’s diner, her eyes adjusting to the lowlight room, and found there were a few of the regulars at the bar, but not many. She walked up and pulled the barstool under her, waiving over the barkeep. “I’ll take whatever whiskey you have—and make it a double.”

About five minutes or so passed before Cat showed up and slid into the stool next to Ellie. They sat in an awkward silence as Ellie sipped on her drink. Cat looked at her, amused. “A double, huh? Thirsty tonight, are we?”

Ellie’s lips pursed as the whiskey burned her throat. “I just don’t want to be sober right now.”

“Couldn’t agree more.” Cat ordered a beer to start, taking a quick glance of the place. “Hey, do you remember the first time we came here together?”

Ellie smiled at the memory, looking over at Cat. “How could I forget? You got _incredibly_ drunk and threw up everywhere. Maria made me clean that up, by the way.”

“That must’ve been the moment you knew you liked me.”

She laughed in response, feeling more at ease with Cat’s presence. Cat had a way of doing that, though—making anyone near her feel comfortable—and Ellie especially appreciated it tonight. She took another swig of her drink, lowering her voice. “Hey, I was wondering about this guy that you knew a couple of years ago.” Cat looked at her, interested. “Ethan Jones. You hung out with the same crowd back then, right?”

Cat hummed, thinking back. “I guess. I never really liked him though.”

“Why not?”

“He was just a dick.” Cat said, flatly. “But he lives with his sister and her baby now, so I don’t know if he’s mellowed out or not. He comes by the daycare sometimes.” There was a pause before she asked, “Why are you asking?” 

“He came to my place last night. Told me to stay away from Dina.”

Cat sat forward at that, closer to Ellie. “No way. What did you do?”

“I told him to get the fuck off my porch.” Ellie said. “Then I asked Maria if I could shoot him. She said no.”

“Bummer.” Cat said, feigning a frown. “It’d be pretty hot if you had.”

Ellie chuckled and rolled her eyes. Cat was always such a flirt. “So, why’d you come back to Jackson?”

Cat shrugged, staring down her drink. “I dunno. I was getting bored.”

“Oh, and Jackson’s so _lively_?”

“No,” she smiled, “but, I probably won’t stay long here either.”

“Where were you?”

“Colorado, in a women-only commune. Town called Telluride.”

Ellie’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “How did you end up there?”

“My aunt lives there with her wife.” Cat thought back to it. “I liked it, but it’s a much smaller community. I’ll probably go back if I ever find someone to settle down with. But, for now, I’ll be in Jackson for a while… and then I was thinking maybe somewhere in New Mexico.”

Ellie gestured for another drink as she finished her first one. “I think I’m done traveling. I don’t really like living on my own.”

Cat laughed, her eyebrows furrowed. “Then why’d you do it?”

“Well, I left to find the girl who murdered Joel.” Ellie said. “And when I came back, nobody was waiting for me. So, I figured it was best to move on—or try to, anyway.”

Cat stared at her, not sure of how to respond. She knew Dina and her had a falling out, but she never would’ve imagined it was that serious. “Shit, El….” Her expression flashed with deep sympathy before she attempted to cover it up with nonchalance. She knew Ellie well enough to know she hated pity. In an effort to lighten the mood, Cat pushed her beer to the side. “You know what, it’s time for something stronger. How about some shots?”

Ellie agreed and the two girls spent the next three hours at the bar, filling the space around them with loud, guttural laughter and conversations that kept trailing off into different topics. They couldn’t seem to keep focus on just one thing as they sipped on their beer and whiskey, and took the occasional shot or two of tequila.

It was probably around 9:30 PM when Cat got the sudden urge to dance. They were both drunk, almost incoherent at this point, but Ellie was still lucid enough to deny Cat the permission to dance publicly in the diner. It was generally a quiet place, and they’d already disrupted it enough—but Cat was persistent, to the point of yelling. To spare the remaining townsfolk of Cat’s drunk meltdown, Ellie agreed to step outside with her. Ellie grabbed a beer and Cat took one last shot before excitedly getting up from the stool.

Ellie stumbled as she tried to stand and immediately fell to the ground. The stool made a loud, jarring sound as it glided across the floor from the impact, and she groaned in pain.

Cat giggled uncontrollably, her face red and her eyes tearing up. Her hands clumsily reached for Ellie in attempts to help her up but Ellie just laid there, not able to move for a minute. Eventually, Cat managed to bring her to her feet. She hugged her close and pet her head, making sure her friend was okay.

The two of them staggered outside, down the wooden steps. As soon as they touched ground, Cat slid on the grass. She desperately reached for Ellie to steady her, but the weight and pull of her caused the two of them to fall instead.

Ellie grimaced as pain radiated up her back. Some of her beer had spilled on her, and she huffed as she realized they would somehow have to pull themselves up.

Cat was much more laidback about the scenario, her eyes twinkling as she stared up at the sky. “Is it… is it _snowing_?”

Ellie looked at the ground beside her and saw it was covered in a thin layer of ice. “Cat, we’re, like…, _super_ drunk.” Ellie whispered. “It’s icy _everywhere_. How are we going to get up?”

“Just get up.” Cat said. She struggled as reached her arms out to help her sit up before she shifted to get on one knee. Ellie could see Cat’s breath in the air, and she laughed at how hard she was breathing just to stand on her own. Cat wobbled as she put her hands on the ground and used them to push herself up, sucking in air through her teeth at the feeling of the cold, icy ground stinging her hands. “Just… like… that.” Cat said, breathless. “There. Now, your turn.”

Ellie huffed, setting her beer to the side and rolling over to her stomach. She formed a semi-plank as she put all of her weight in her forearms and elbows.

“What kind of method is _that_?” Cat taunted.

“Don’t judge me!” Ellie grunted as she started walking her legs closer to her to gain balance.

“Ellie, you’re _literally_ just doing the downward dog pose.”

She didn’t respond, fearing she would lose focus and fall. Ellie carefully took her hands off the ground, still bent over, and took a deep breath to steady herself. Then, very slowly, she stood back up. “ _That’s_ how it’s done.” She bragged.

“Are you sure? Because that looked really difficult for you.”

Ellie blinked slowly, making sure to breathe steadily. “I’m not going to lie: I might puke.”

“We haven’t even danced yet!” Cat whined.

“Give me a second.” Cat waited as Ellie stood as a statue, practically willing her stomach to stop doing flips. It took about three minutes of silence before Ellie inhaled deeply. “Alright,” Ellie said. “Let’s do this.” She bent over and grabbed her beer from before as Cat squealed and took her right hand, leading her out to the middle of the street. She held herself close to Ellie and started swaying.

“Are you going to sing something?” Ellie asked.

“Last dance,” Cat immediately began, “last chance for love….”

Ellie threw her head back laughing at the song choice. She should’ve been able to guess what it would’ve been before Cat had even started singing. Nobody would’ve ever guessed it, but Cat and her mom had an unhealthy obsession with old Donna Summer records. When she and Cat dated, they used to perform karaoke together for her. Ellie always poked fun at her for it, but Cat stood firm in her love for the 70s disco star. Ellie met Cat’s eyes and shook her head. “Really—?”

Cat interrupted with the next few lines, not interested in her potential song veto. “ _Yes_ , it’s my last chance, for romance tonight.” Ellie continued giggling and picked up the tempo of their dancing to the song. “I need you by me, beside me, to guide me.”

Ellie decided to join in, and she surprised herself that she knew the words. “To hold me, to scold me, ‘cause when I’m bad, I’m _so so bad_ ,” they both sang. “So let’s dance, the last dance. Let’s dance, the last dance!”

The two girls continued singing the chorus, Ellie twirling Cat as the pace of the song sped up. By the end of it, they’d linked arms and were skipping together in a circle, screaming out at the top of their lungs. Cat had no shortage of song ideas for them to dance to as the night went on. Every few minutes, a passerby would stop and stare at them oddly before moving on, but they were unaware of anyone else but each other.

They stayed out there for half an hour, dancing and jumping around together, before Cat was the first to tap out. She could barely laugh as she was out of breath. “I’m freezing. Let’s go back to my place.”

Ellie wobbled forward as she was going to fall, but she regained her balance. “What?”

“To _sleep_ ,” Cat clarified. “You can crash there. I don’t trust you to walk by yourself.”

She agreed and slumped her arm over Cat as she drunkenly led them back to her house.

-

Ellie stirred at the feeling of heat engulfing her. She tried to sit up but could barely move, and her eyes opened immediately to see a stack of blankets covering her. She looked over at Cat, who was asleep with only a sheet placed on top of her. The room was stifling as the morning sun poured in through the blinds and Ellie’s head pounded in response to the excessive light. She nudged Cat awake, staring at her in annoyance.

Cat grumbled in response. “What?”

“Are you serious?”

Cat sighed, blinking slowly as she opened her eyes and took her in. “What is it?”

“Why do I have four quilts on me?”

“Well, I got really cold last night, and then hot, so I guess I just… pushed them onto you.”

Ellie looked at her, unimpressed, before she used all of the little energy she had left to throw the covers to the side of her onto Cat. She sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, her head thrumming with pain, and gripped the side of the mattress as if it could give her any stability to stop the room from spinning. Ellie took a deep breath before she stood up and she felt the thick air of the house surround her. “I’m gonna be sick.”

Cat let out a sound of disgust before she told her where the bathroom was and Ellie scurried there, arriving just in time to vomit all of last night in the toilet. _Poison _, she thought to herself. _This is poison_. Ellie doubted she’d ever drink like that again, let alone with Cat, who did nothing but encourage her.__

__Eventually, she went back to the bedroom, and started to look for her clothes since Cat had lent her some to sleep in last night._ _

__Ellie huffed as she started digging through the piles of stuff on the floor. She was so annoyed with herself. She knew she shouldn’t have gone out last night, and now she was hungover for patrol. Not to mention she’d made a fool out of herself in public. As she continued to search for her clothes, she almost became frantic as she thought about it._ _

__Cat sat up, holding her hand to her forehead and wincing. “What’s wrong?”_ _

__“I can’t fucking find anything in this room.” Ellie said._ _

__The girl straightened up some, frowning as she watched her. “Sorry,” she said, awkwardly. Ellie didn’t respond. Cat eventually sighed, feeling a little fed up. “Okay, _what_ is your problem?”_ _

__“I just should’ve never gone out last night.”_ _

__Cat’s forehead creased in confusion. “Why not?”_ _

__“I feel like shit, I’m _late_ , someone’s going to tell Dina—“_ _

__Cat rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated groan. All Ellie ever worried about was Dina. “Who fucking cares if Dina knows?”_ _

__“I care!” Ellie yelled. Both girls winced at the volume._ _

__“Why?”_ _

__Ellie shook her head, letting out a dry chuckle. “You don’t understand. If I make a scene like that, the first thing people do is tell her. All this fucking town does is talk.”_ _

__“So what?”_ _

__“ _So_ I told her I’d keep to myself and stay out of her way. That doesn’t really work if I get fucking trashed with my ex-girlfriend and dance in the middle of town like a lunatic.” She huffed._ _

__Cat paused for a moment as she watched Ellie continue to search for her stuff. She grimaced as she thought about how much Ellie had changed. “What happened to you?” Ellie looked at her, not expecting the question. “You used to be so carefree and funny and creative and it’s, like, now all you want to do is go on patrol and sit alone in your house.”_ _

__“Cat, _everyone_ I love is either dead or hates me. Sorry I’m not the same person I was a fucking year ago.”_ _

__“That’s not true, Ellie.” She frowned. “You have people who love you. You have Maria… and me.”_ _

__The younger girl sighed as she looked at Cat, her hands dropping to her sides. She didn’t even know why she was getting mad at her—Cat had done nothing wrong—and Ellie had a lot of fun with Cat last night. She couldn’t remember the last time she had fun like that. Her expression softened as she thought about what Cat said. “I have Jo, too.” Cat cracked a smile at the joke. “No, you’re right. Sorry I’ve been such a drag. I just… it’s been really hard lately.”_ _

__“I know.” Cat said. “And, hey, I’ve been meaning to say this, but I’m really sorry about Joel… and if you ever want to talk about it, which I know you _won’t_ , just know I’m here.”_ _

__“Thanks. Maria will be thrilled.” Cat gave her a questioning look. “She told me I needed to make a friend.”_ _

__“Damn. Maria is brutal.”_ _

__“I _know_.”_ _

__“Hey, look.” Cat pointed to a spot of her cluttered room. “There’s your stuff. Maybe your luck is changing.”_ _

__Ellie smiled as she moved to grab her clothes. “You always know just where everything is in here.”_ _

__“I have a system in place.”_ _

__Ellie laughed, remembering those words well. Cat had always been a mess wherever she stayed._ _

__She said a quick goodbye to her, who went straight back to sleep, and changed in the bathroom before heading to patrol. She was late—and she knew Lou would never let her hear the end of it._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone want to join a women-only commune with me? Telluride here we come.


	4. Chapter 4

Ellie straggled down the front steps of Cat’s porch, wincing as the bright sun beat down on her. Her eyes ached in response to the light and she felt sickly at the smell of fresh air. She walked a few steps forward before she slowed to a stop, her head pounding and her insides churning with every move she made. Her hands rested on her knees as she bent over and hung her head low. For a moment, she thought she might vomit again, but she willed it down. She didn’t think there would be anything more embarrassing than publicly puking on her ex-girlfriend’s front lawn.

Ellie inhaled deeply as she mustered up the strength to stand back up, her eyes closed to give her a small respite from the sun. When she opened them a few seconds later, she immediately saw Dina, who was walking down the same street with JJ in her arms. Ellie straightened up as they made eye contact and Dina gave her a disapproving look. Ellie hoped she didn’t know that it was Cat’s house she was stumbling out of, hungover, but her luck hadn’t been so great the past few months.

Dina’s gaze didn’t linger as she walked up the steps of a house on the far left of Cat’s, across the street. Ellie watched as she knocked on the door, which was answered by Jesse’s mom, Robin. The two of them spoke briefly before Dina handed JJ over to his grandmother, and the realization dawned on Ellie that she was dropping him off for the day. Almost immediately, she started walking down the street, praying she was fast enough to pass them, because she didn’t want to be going in the same direction as Dina.

It was brutal as she hurried to the stables, the sweat from last night sticking to her shirt and jacket. She wished she’d taken a quick shower before she left Cat’s, because she felt disgusting. When she saw Lou in her far line of sight, she gave a small wave. The curly-haired girl was waiting by their two horses with her arms crossed, and she didn’t return the gesture.

“You’re late.” Lou said. As Ellie came closer into her view, Lou’s mouth slightly gaped. “ _Jesus_.”

Ellie grimaced as she continued to walk up to her. “That bad, huh?”

“What the hell happened to you? Why are you all sweaty?”

“Well—“

Lou almost gagged as her hand flew up to her nose. “Dude, you smell like vomit.”

“Alright, Lou. I get it.” Ellie said. “It’s been… It’s been a fucking night, alright?”

“So I have to pay the consequences for that as well?” She joked.

Ellie just smiled at her, shaking her head. “You’re ruthless, you know that?”

“Yeah. It’s one of my better qualities.” She studied Ellie, amused. “You gonna be able to get on that horse without falling over?”

Ellie looked over at her horse, Bonney, and shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “No problem.” She approached the horse and raised her right leg, attempting to place it in the stirrup, but she stumbled back, her balance weak. Lou smirked, but, before she could say anything, Ellie was at it again. When she swung her leg over and settled, she closed her eyes, hoping that would make the dizziness cease.

Lou watched her, growing a smidge concerned. “Not that this isn’t hilarious to watch, but are you sure you’re good? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

Ellie opened her eyes, focusing back on Lou. “That’s how I always look when I’m around you.”

Lou gave an exaggerated laugh as she moved to mount her horse. “You’re _so_ funny,” she said, sarcastically.

The two girls went on their way, past the Jackson gate, and into the surrounding woods. The ice from the night before had melted under the morning sun and left behind a gleaming dew. Ellie always thought spring was one of the worst times of the year, as Jackson townsfolk lovingly referred to it as ‘mud season’. She was just glad it wasn’t snowing as they trekked along their path. Spring in Wyoming was known for its many snow blizzards, but May was fast approaching, and she hoped the mild weather would continue through the end of it until June.

They didn’t make it far, maybe twenty minutes out, before Lou suddenly pulled back on her reins with brunt force and fired a shot off to the side. Before Ellie could register what she was shooting at, the sound of the gunshot startled her horse, who skidded to a harsh halt. Ellie fumbled to hold on, but her balance wasn’t strong enough to keep her up, and she felt to the ground with a hard thud.

* * *

Ellie woke to the feeling of wetness seeping in through her clothes. She slowly blinked her eyes open, squinting as the sun peaked through the trees looming above her. Dazed, she moved to sit up, only to have Lou bend over her and push her back down. Ellie grunted as she hit the dewey ground again and immediately felt a sharp pain sear the right side of her head. She hissed in discomfort and Lou gasped, standing back up.

“Sorry!” She said, her hand covering her agape mouth. “Just don’t move.”

Ellie looked up at her, the side of her head now throbbing. It was worse than her hangover headache—something was wrong. She shifted to lightly touch the area and winced as her fingers met the tender wound. She could see blood—a lot of it—when she moved her hand back into her line of sight. “Fuck,” she whispered.

“Don’t worry, Ellie. I—I sent the flare up. Someone’s going to come soon. Just take it easy.”

“What the _hell_ were you shooting at?” Ellie asked.

“I…,” Lou glanced away from her, “I thought I saw something.”

Ellie huffed, closing her eyes. “You _thought_?”

“Hey, better to be safe than sorry.”

Ellie scoffed. There wasn’t anything safe about the amount of blood coming down her face. But she didn’t feel like arguing, or blaming it all on her. She was the one who went on patrol while hungover. “How long was I out?”

“I… I don’t know, like 20 minutes. You hit a rock on your way down.”

“Oh, shit.” She sighed.

“You’re gonna be fine.” Lou sat down next to her. “I’ve been pressing on it with this leaf to stop the bleeding.” She handed it to Ellie.

Ellie blinked at her, taking the bloody leaf into her hand. “You tried to stop a head laceration from bleeding with… this leaf.”

“What was I supposed to use?” She asked, almost offended.

“Gee, I don’t know,” Ellie feigned contemplation. “Oh, wait—maybe your _jacket_.”

“Ew, gross,” Lou exclaimed. “This is a nice jacket. I’m not getting your blood on this. Also, it’s cold.”

Ellie couldn’t help but laugh, no matter how much it hurt her to do so. She shifted to take off her own jacket and pressed it to her head, cringing at the sting of it. She tossed the bloody leaf aside and laid back down. “They’re going to take me off patrol for this.”

“Only for a little bit,” Lou said. “Until the massive dent in your head is fixed and all.”

“That could take weeks.”

Lou smiled down at her, shaking her head in amusement. “You’re insane.”

“I’m not insane,” Ellie defended herself. “Patrol is all I have. If I don’t have patrol, I just sit in my house all day.”

“Yeah,” Lou said. “It _is_ a sad cabin.” Ellie gave her a pointed look. “Oh, no offense.”

She gave a short chuckle and closed her eyes again, trying to rest as they waited for help.

* * *

Jo hunched over Ellie as she assessed her wound, her chin tilted upwards as she looked at it through the glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. She hummed to herself as she blotted it with saline. Ellie recoiled at a particularly heavy dab, sucking in air through her teeth and gripping the side of the hospital bed with white knuckles.

“Sorry, dear. There’s quite a bit of dirt in the wound.”

Ellie hummed. “Yeah, that’s Lou’s fault. She tried to stop the bleeding with a leaf.”

“ _First_ of all, that’s pretty quick thinking on my part. I’d be a great survivalist. And secondly, it’s mostly your fault because you mounted a horse hungover. You know, when I asked you to throw yourself in harm’s way so I could look like a hero, this isn’t exactly what I meant.”

They laughed in unison for only a moment before they were interrupted by the curtain swinging open. It was Dina, her eyes wide and her breath frantic. She rushed past Lou and stood at Jo’s side, taking in Ellie’s appearance as her eyes searched over every part of her body. “Are you okay? Shit, Ellie, what happened?” Her voice was thick with worry.

Ellie didn’t respond, shocked at her appearance. By the looks of Jo and Lou, they were shocked, too.

“I’m gonna go,” Lou said, awkwardly. “I’ll come by your house later, okay?” She didn’t wait for a goodbye before she left.

“I’ll give you two a moment alone.” Jo soaked a new gauze pad with saline and placed it on her head. “Hold this up, okay?”

Ellie nodded and Jo walked out, closing the curtain behind her. Dina stepped into her place, her hand clasped over her own chest in worry. “You hit your head?” She asked. “And your cheekbone….” Her fingers moved to trace the newly bruised area, causing Ellie to flinch.

She swallowed hard as she looked at the girl standing in front of her. “How did you know I was here?”

“Maria told me about the flare. We didn’t know for sure but it was on your path and—“

“You didn’t have to come,” Ellie interrupted. “Jo says I’ll be fine in a few days.” Dina hesitated, studying her. “Seriously, I’m fine. You can go.”

“You’re not fine, Ellie. You cracked your head open.”

“Dina, I said I was _fine_.” Ellie snapped. Dina’s eyebrows raised in surprise, and Ellie was taken aback at how hostile she sounded. “Sorry, I just… I don’t understand. If you don’t want to see me, why are you here?”

“Because you’re hurt. You _cracked your head open_.” She answered, as if it should’ve been obvious.

Ellie’s expression cemented into something harsher as Dina continued to dance around the question. “I thought you were better off thinking I was dead anyways.”

Dina blinked at that, and there was a beat of silence between them before her surprise was replaced with a sharp look. She took a step back and the newfound distance between them made Ellie regret the words she just said. “You don’t get to be angry with _me_ , Ellie.” Dina glared at her, almost scoffing in disbelief as she thought about it.

Ellie immediately tried to backtrack. “I’m not angry with you—“

Dina interrupted, not caring for an explanation. “And you know what? Thinking you were dead hurt less than what I know now. That you’ve been alive this _entire_ time, and not once did you ever think to come back to your family.” Dina teared up as she looked at her. “Why are _you_ even here now? Because I know it’s not for us.”

“I did come back,” Ellie said. Dina’s harsh expression flickered with curiosity. “After Santa Barbara…, I came back to the house and it was empty. And… I figured it would be. I knew I lost you, Dina. So, I didn’t bother showing up to Jackson. I just left. I thought it would be best.”

“I was looking for you,” Dina said, pain evident in her voice. “I looked for months, Ellie.” The brunette didn’t know what to say in response, and the room filled with silence. Dina stared at her with scrutiny, tears streaming down her face. “So, why now then? Why are you back?”

Ellie sighed, breaking eye contact as she looked down at her lap. She was too ashamed to stare Dina in the eyes as she tried to explain herself. “I thought I could survive on my own, but I was wrong.” She inhaled deeply in an attempt to calm her nerves as she looked back up at her. “Look, I know it’s been hard for you now that I’m back, because it’s been hard for me, too. But I’m trying so hard to stay out of your way like you asked, which is…,” she sighed, “fucking _torture_ , because I’ve missed you so much, Dina.” The sentence made Dina wince, and her eyes flitted to the nearest exit as she debated leaving. “That being said, you shouldn’t be here. Don’t feel like you owe me anything.”

Dina looked back to her at that, conflicted. Ellie was right—Dina owed her nothing. In fact, Dina probably shouldn’t have shown up in the first place. But as she stared at the injured girl sitting in front of her, she knew those months alone took a toll on her. There were scars she didn’t recognize, cuts, and bruises, too. She wiped at her eyes before sighing in defeat. “Let me see that.”

Ellie obliged, dropping her hand down, and Dina stepped closer. She hovered over her, as her eyes welled up with fresh tears at the sight of it. She frowned as she covered the gash back up again, and willed down a sob. Ellie watched her in pain, wishing she wasn’t the cause of it.

She didn’t even hesitate before her hand moved to Dina’s waist, her thumb slipping under her shirt and rubbing the skin there as she looked up at her, trying to comfort her. Dina quickly composed herself at the touch and let Ellie take over the gauze once more before she took two steps back. “Are you in pain?”

“No,” Ellie lied. “Don’t worry about me. Really, I’m fine. Jo said it wasn’t as bad as it looked.”

“I worry about you all the time,” Dina said, her voice cracking.

Ellie frowned. She hated seeing her like this. “Please don’t cry.” She watched as Dina buried her head in her hand. “Dina, I will do anything to make this less painful. I swear it. I’ll… I’ll try harder—you won’t have to see me. Or if… if you want me to leave again, I will.”

Dina looked up at that, torn. She opened her mouth to respond when they were interrupted by the sound of the curtain being pulled open.

“I got pain pills, baby!” Cat practically sang, but her excitement was short-lived. Her face dropped at the sight of Ellie and Dina’s tearstained cheeks. “Oh, shit,” she whispered. “Sorry—“

Dina wiped at her eyes quickly, not wanting Cat to see her be so vulnerable.

Ellie’s focus didn’t waiver from Dina, and she reached out for her, fearing she'd soon leave. “Dina—“

Her breath caught in the throat as she choked out the next sentence, cutting Ellie off. “I want you to leave.” Dina said, not waiting for a response before she walked out.

Ellie sighed, disappointed, and hung her head in defeat at her request. It was one she’d expected, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

She could hear Cat cautiously approach her bedside, and she gave a quick shake of the pills to fill the awkward air. “If it makes you feel better, I stole these pain killers from Jo’s cart.”

The corner of Ellie’s mouth tugged up into a smile at that, and she grabbed the bottle with her free hand. She tossed a couple back before offering them to Cat, who didn’t think twice before popping a few in her mouth as well.

“Sorry for interrupting,” Cat said. “It looked like you two were in the middle of something important.”

Ellie shrugged in response. “Doesn’t matter. She wants me gone, so, I’m going to leave.”

“What?” Cat sat down next to her, concerned. “Come on, Ellie. She doesn’t mean it. She’s just pissed at you.”

Ellie shook her head, feeling a pit forming in her stomach as she thought about it. “It’s more than that. She’s…,” she trailed off, not knowing how to explain it. “I really hurt her, Cat. I should’ve never come here.”

Cat sighed, looking down at her hands. “You’re really gonna leave?”

She nodded. “Sorry.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry,” Cat said. “I know how you feel about her, better than most. I know she comes first.”

There wasn’t animosity in her words, but Ellie hated the way it sounded. “You’re important to me, too, Cat.”

“I know. But it’s different with Dina. It always has been.”

“Yeah,” Ellie said. “I’m sorry.”

Cat laughed lightly. “What did I just say?”

“No, I know, it’s just…, you saying that makes me think of how much I regret how it ended between us.”

“You shouldn’t. I don’t.”

Ellie smiled at her, not believing that. “You’re such a liar.”

“Yeah,” Cat agreed, and Ellie laughed. “It _was_ kind of embarrassing. _Everyone_ knew you were, like, in love with Dina, and I didn’t have the guts to end it.” She shrugged. “But once you dumped me, it was weirdly freeing. Telluride was… a good place to go to get over you.”

Ellie grinned at that. Something about Cat living in an all-women commune amused her. Probably because she knew just how much of a flirt she was. “Glad to hear it.”

“You know what? If you're really going to leave, you should head down there. I think it’d be good for you, too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Cat said. “They could use someone like you. Plus, I could visit you when I finally bite the bullet and move down to New Mexico.”

Ellie thought about it for a moment before she nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

She was glad to have a plan. It took so much of the stress out of it. She was certain she wouldn’t have survived had she had to go back to living on her own out there. But Ellie thought she could easily be happy there, especially since it was a smaller community. At least, as happy as possible without Dina and JJ….

Both of their attention was drawn to the side of the room as Jo reentered, holding a needle and suturing scissors. Cat shoved the pill bottle into her jacket, trying to play it off, and remained seated as Jo walked over to the bedside.

“I thought you said it wasn’t that bad, Jo,” Ellie whined.

“It’s not as bad as it _could’ve_ been,” she confirmed. “But you still need stitches, dear.”

Cat scrunched her face up in disgust as she looked at the sharp, hooked needle. “I think that’s my cue to leave.”

* * *

It was quiet as Ellie wrote in her journal that night, only the soft hums of the medical machines filling the air around her. She’d been ordered to stay in the infirmary overnight, per Jo, and though she normally hated the place, she felt an unfamiliar peace being there alone.

Though, it didn’t last long as she heard the sounds of footsteps approaching her bed. She looked up from her journal, her brow furrowed as she didn’t know who would be visiting her this late.

The curtain was gently pulled to the side to reveal Dina, and Ellie’s eyes widened in surprise.

“… Hi,” was all she could muster, her heart rate increasing by the second.

Dina closed the curtain and walked over to her, sitting on the edge of her bed. She looked down at her hands before speaking. “Maria told me you were staying overnight.”

“Oh,” Ellie said. “Well, I’ll be out of here by tomorrow, and probably out of Jackson within the week. I’ll be ready to go as soon as Maria and Jo clear me.”

“What, are you already packed?” Dina asked, almost teasing her, her eyes meeting Ellie’s.

“I guess,” she answered. “I never really unpacked. I just kind of figured this wouldn’t last.” Dina’s amusement flickered before it was gone completely. “But I talked to Cat about it and she told me about this town in Colorado, where her aunts live. I’m gonna head down there.”

Dina shifted to face Ellie more, her once fidgeting hands now still in her lap. “Cat is leaving with you?”

“No, just me.”

“Oh.” Dina said. She paused for a minute or so before she spoke again. “I’m sure you’ll miss your drinking buddy.” There was a bite to her tone as she said it, and Ellie felt nervous under her judgmental stare. When she didn’t give a response, Dina continued. “You know, I saw you guys in the street yesterday night… and then this morning.”

“Oh,” she immediately said, embarrassed. “Sorry… we were just… being stupid.”

“You guys always seem to have so much fun together. I used to be so jealous of that.” Dina gave a dry chuckle as she thought about it and Ellie frowned in response, not sure of what to say. “I guess she’s pretty pissed then that I told you to leave.”

Ellie stared at her, confused as to why the conversation was revolving around her ex-girlfriend. “I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. I don’t care what she has to say—it doesn’t… it doesn’t matter to me.” Ellie said. “The only thing that matters is you.” There was another heavy silence between them before Ellie broke it. “So, I’ll do anything you ask me to do to make this right. You want me to leave, and I will. As soon as they clear me, I’ll be out of your—“

“I don’t want you to leave,” Dina blurted out, quickly averting her eyes from Ellie’s gaze. Ellie’s mouth slightly opened in shock, and she waited desperately for her to say something else. “That’s what I came here to tell you.”

Ellie hesitated, replaying the sentence over in her head to make sure she heard it right. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she thought about it. Eventually, she fully sat up, scooting closer to the girl. “What does that mean?” She asked, a serious expression on her face.

Dina met her eyes, nervous. “I… I don’t know yet. I was just upset earlier and I thought…,” she trailed off. “I don’t know what I thought. I’m just _so_ _angry_ at you and… seeing you with Cat didn’t help and…,” she shrugged before she took a breath to recompose herself. “But that doesn’t matter. Jackson is your home, too, and if you want to be with her then—“

“I’m with _you_ ,” she breathed, surprised Dina would even question something like that. “Even… even if you don’t want me, I’m… I love _you_ , Dina.” Ellie watched Dina carefully, barely breathing so as to focus completely on her. Dina wanted her to stay, and for the first time, Ellie felt that there might be a fighting chance for her.

“I should go.” Dina said, fearing that the conversation was heading into dangerous territory.

“Dina, _please_.” Ellie pleaded, lowering her head to meet Dina’s eyes. She leaned forward, her hands clambering across the blanket to grab a hold of Dina’s. She felt her tense, but she didn’t care as she brought them close to her chest, holding them as her eyes burned into Dina’s. “I’ll do anything.”

She swallowed hard as she felt Ellie’s hands tighten around her own. Dina could see the gravity behind Ellie’s eyes and how much this moment meant to her, which scared her all the more. There was a part of her that wanted to embrace Ellie and forget everything that happened, but she still held so much resentment for her. “I don’t know if you can fix this,” she admitted, and Ellie reluctantly let go of her hands as she stood up. “I don’t know even know if I want you to try…, because I don’t think I can do this again.”

Ellie shifted to stand up, to fight for them, but Dina turned away, leaving before she could say another word. She clenched her jaw as she watched her leave, fearing that the small sliver of hope she had earlier would never return.


	5. Chapter 5

Ellie jolted awake with a grunt as she felt someone jump on her back, straddling her. She quickly shifted under the weight, flipping herself over, and lifted her right fist up to defend herself before she was met with a surprised Cat, whose hands were held up in surrender. Ellie huffed, feeling her heart beat wildly inside her chest as she lowered her arm. “ _Jesus_ ,” Ellie breathed. “What are you _doing_?”

“We came to get you out of bed,” she said. “Whoa,” her hand moved lightly squeeze to Ellie’s arm. “You’ve gotten, like, _buff_.”

Ellie furrowed her brow as she glanced to the open door, ignoring Cat’s compliment. “Who’s we?”

Her question was answered as Maria stepped inside, an unimpressed look painted on her face at the sight of the two of them. “Get up,” she told her with a gruff voice. “And you need to fix that damn step out there.” She didn’t linger before she was pushing aside the curtains covering the windows, letting light bleed into the dark cabin.

Ellie groaned in response, her hand flying up to cover her eyes. “I’m _recovering_. Don’t you have any respect for Jackson’s ailing citizens?”

“It’s been a week, Ellie. Now, we let you off of rotations until your stitches healed, but it’s time to get back to work.”

Her eyes lit up at the sound of that and she tried to sit up, only to have the weight of Cat keep her down. “I can go on patrol?” She asked.

Maria dryly laughed. “Ha, ha. Very funny. Just how hard did you hit your head?”

Cat intercepted their conversation, eyes alight with pride. “Not patrol, but thanks to me, you get to be on _daycare duty_!” She sang, hitting Ellie’s arms repeatedly in excitement.

She winced, tensing up beneath her. She’d forgotten how much energy Cat always had. “Wait, what?” Her eyes grew wide. “The daycare?”

Cat’s delight shrunk at the tone of her voice, and she jumped into defense mode. “Now, before you say anything—“

“What the hell?” Ellie interrupted anyway, feeling her heart rate pick up once again in distress. “I can’t be anywhere near the daycare. You already know that.”

Maria shifted her weight as she leaned against the wall, disinterested and growing tired of the discussion. “It’s either that or you go back to farming rotation.”

Ellie huffed as she raised her hand to her forehead. She could feel a deep headache forming. “Maria, you should know better than anyone why I _can’t_ be at the daycare. Dina would kill me.”

She shrugged. “Cat fought pretty hard for you on this. Why don’t you hear her out?”

Ellie looked back at Cat, who was still towering over her. Cat gleamed down at her in glee. “Oh, is it my turn to speak now?”

She couldn’t help but smile up at her, rolling her eyes at how dramatic she was. “Oh my God, you’re so _annoying_.”

Cat feigned offense as she stared down at her with a challenging look in her eyes. “You know, I’m inclined to just let you do farm rotation.”

“Alright, girls,” Maria interjected, stepping closer to them, “I’ve got a million things to get to today. Let’s cut the chatter and get to it.”

Cat’s eyebrows raised at Maria chastising them as her and Ellie stared at each other, and the two girls shared a sly smile, trying not to laugh. After a few seconds, they finally composed themselves well enough to continue the conversation. “Look, Ellie, you’ll be in the building across the street. Ages four and up—nowhere near JJ or Dina. She can’t be mad at that.”

She sighed, thinking back to how dismissive Dina was when she had seen her watching JJ from outside of the daycare. “I don’t know, Cat. She was pretty clear when she told me she didn’t want me around her or JJ.”

“She came to visit you in the infirmary.”

“Yeah, but—“

“Ellie,” she griped, feeling fatigued with the back and forth. “Just _ask_ her then. If she has a problem with it, good luck with farming rotation.”

Ellie gave a frustrated groan before she looked back to Maria. “Why can’t I just go back on patrol? I’ll be fine.”

“Sorry, kid. Not yet.”

Ellie exhaled deeply, dreading the days she’d soon have before her. “Looks like it’s farming rotation for me, then. There’s no way Dina will agree to this. She hates me.”

“You won’t know until you ask—“

Maria interrupted her. “Cat, can you give us a minute?” It wasn’t really a question as much as it was an order. “I’ll let you know when we’re done.”

Cat had no choice but to oblige, and Ellie winced in discomfort as she shifted her weight to get off of her. She closed the rickety door behind her, leaving the two women alone. Ellie sat up at the absence of her, giving Maria a questioning look.

“What’s up?” She asked.

Maria looked almost… _nervous_ before she spoke. She glanced to the side, not making eye contact with her, as she said, “Now, you know I don’t like to pry, and I don’t care who you date—never have—but—“

Ellie closed her eyes in embarrassment before cutting her off. “I’m not dating Cat.”

Maria paused, giving her a knowing look as they met eyes again. “Well, I’ve been hearin’ some talk… and you know as much as I do that this town _loves_ to talk. So, if I’m hearin’ it, I can only imagine what Dina’s hearin’.” Ellie sighed, feeling deflated, and Maria moved to sit beside her on the bed. “Now, I told you last week that you needed to make this right, because you put that girl through the wringer, Ellie. And, look, I know you’re scared, but you've gotta know she still cares about you. If nothing else, you’ve built a family with her and you have to honor it. You can’t avoid her forever, even if she tells you to. It’s time to face it.”

There was a long silence as the words sunk in. Ellie almost felt suffocated by them. But Maria was right… maybe she had been using Dina’s anger as an excuse to evade the eventual confrontation. Ellie didn’t want to rush it. She didn’t want to push Dina into a conversation they weren’t ready for, because she was afraid of what the outcome would be. She was afraid Dina would officially write her off forever, and she was fairly certain she wouldn’t survive that.

Maria gave a firm pat to Ellie’s knee, bringing her back to reality. “Okay?”

Ellie didn’t meet her eyes, instead looking at the ground. “Okay.”

The older woman nodded before she stood up to leave. “Let me know which rotation you’ll be on.”

Ellie didn’t respond before she walked out of the cabin, and she could hear her invite Cat back inside. She looked up at the sounds of footsteps, watching her step back through the doorframe. Cat sat in the space Maria’d just been in and studied the side of Ellie’s face. “What did Maria want?”

Ellie straightened up and met her gaze, feigning nonchalance. “Nothing.”

“Okay,” she said, though she didn’t believe her. She thought it best not to push her on it before she changed the subject. “Hey, I was thinking, when you ask Dina about the daycare, you should invite her to my party tonight.” Ellie blanched at the mention of it before she quickly tried to recover and play it off, but Cat had clearly noticed by the way she gasped and pointed her finger at her accusingly. “I knew you’d forget!”

“I didn’t forget,” she shot back. “I’ll be there.”

She scoffed at her obvious lying. “You’re so full of shit. Are you _at least_ going to invite Dina?”

“Well, considering she doesn’t want to be around me, probably not.”

Cat hummed, thinking about it. “I don’t know. Dina was quite a party girl before you two shacked up. She might miss it.”

“She was not,” Ellie disagreed, feeling some sort of protectiveness over the girl.

“Oh no,” Cat said, looking concerned.

Ellie frowned. “What?”

“Did you get amnesia when you were out there in the woods all by yourself?”

She laughed, gently shoving her to the side. “Shut up.”

* * *

Ellie’s hands trembled as she knocked on Dina’s front door, and she forcibly shoved them into her jacket pockets hoping to steady them. She waited with bated breath as she heard the door unlock and swing open, and Dina’s face fell at the sight of her. “Hey,” she mumbled.

Dina’s initial shock quickly faded as it replaced itself with ire. She crossed her arms. “I almost thought you left again without saying goodbye.”

“No, I’m… I’m staying.”

Her head slightly tilted to the side. “You came all the way here just to tell me that?”

“No.” She sighed. “Um, I’ve just… I’ve been thinking a lot about our last conversation and…,” she hesitated, her nerves almost getting the best of her. She wanted to apologize for even showing up. She wanted to leave. But then she remembered what Maria said, and she knew she had to stay. “Can we maybe talk about what that means… for us?”

Dina remained still as she stared at her, studying the girl in front of her. Her harsh expression slightly faded as she frowned. “Come in.”

Ellie walked passed her, the room oddly feeling like home to her. So much of it was the same. She lingered near the entrance, waiting for Dina to close the door behind them, and she followed the girl to the living room. Dina took a seat back on the couch, and it seemed Ellie had interrupted her folding laundry. Wanting to respect her space, Ellie sat in the chair to the side of the couch. Her palms were sweaty as she took them out of her pockets and leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees. She clasped her hands together nervously as she gathered up the courage to say something.

When she couldn’t find the words, it was Dina who broke the silence. “So, you’re staying. Could’ve fooled me.”

Ellie shifted uncomfortably in response to Dina scolding her, giving a timid smile. “Yeah, I’ve just been home a lot. They took me off patrol, so.”

“I figured they would. Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“How long are you off?” Dina asked.

“Indefinitely.” She looked down, trying not to panic as she thought about what Dina’s reaction would be. “I wanted to talk to you about it because…,” her hands tightened around each other as she met her eyes again, “they’re thinking of having me help out with the daycare during my time off.” She watched as Dina tensed up and felt the need to explain it further, hoping she wouldn’t automatically turn her down. “I’d be in the building across the street, with the older kids. I… I wouldn’t be near him.”

Dina sighed. “Ellie—”

“It’d just be until I’m cleared by Jo.”

“Which is indefinitely.”

Ellie frowned. “Yeah. Is that okay?” A silence fell between them as Dina thought about it, and it soon became too much for Ellie to bear. _Fuck it_ , she thought. _Farming rotation, it is. Anything is better than this_. “You know what? I shouldn’t have asked. I’ll just do farming rotation.”

Dina paused, her forehead creasing in confusion. “You hate farming rotation.”

“I don’t—”

“Yeah, you do.” She interrupted her. “And I kind of think you deserve to do something you hate for a while.” Ellie couldn’t help but smile at that, finding it amusing, and to her surprise, Dina returned it. There was a beat of silence until she huffed, shrugging slightly. “It’s fine,” she said, albeit reluctantly.

Ellie’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah,” she confirmed. “I’m sure the kids will love you.”

She smiled softly at that, appreciating the compliment. “I don’t know what to say. Thanks, Dina.”

“Is that it?” She asked, impatient, and Ellie’s smile faltered at her tone.

The question made her feel like a burden, and she started to stand before she stopped herself. Maria’s words rang through her head once more: _It’s time to face it_. “Can I ask you something else?” Dina stared at her with an expectant look. “Do you wish I hadn’t come back?”

The question didn’t seem to throw Dina off. In fact, it almost felt like she’d been waiting for it. “What I wish is that you hadn’t left,” she said. Ellie simply sighed, annoyed, but not surprised, that she didn’t give a sincere answer. “What I _wish_ is that it hadn’t been so easy for you to leave.”

Ellie frowned at that. “It wasn’t easy.”

Dina scoffed, edging closer to her. “You sure made it _look_ easy when you packed a bag at dawn and were gone within minutes—even though I _begged_ you to stay.”

Ellie grew frustrated at how simplified Dina was making out to be. “There wasn’t anything easy about it, Dina. I… I couldn’t sleep—”

“ _I_ couldn’t sleep!” She shouted back at her. “For _months_ after you left, Ellie, _I_ couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I could only think of where you were…, if you were safe, or if you were fucking bleeding out somewhere alone.” Ellie looked down at that in shame and Dina had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from further criticizing her. She hated the feelings of sympathy seeping into her as she watched Ellie’s reaction. “Look,” she sighed, her voice gentler. “I know why you left. I _know_ what loss feels like. But I thought we meant more to you than that…. I thought _I_ meant more to you than that.”

“I couldn’t stop seeing it, Dina.” She said quietly, pausing as flashes of a bloody Joel overcame her thoughts. She shook her head in disgust as she remembered it. “His head… the _sound_ of it.” Dina winced. “I thought if… if I could get justice for him, it would stop. I was desperate and stupid and… _selfish_.”

“You abandoned me,” Dina said. Her tone was light, but firm, and her eyes burned with fresh tears as she thought about it. “I thought we were solid, Ellie…, but when you left, it made me question _everything_ about us.” Her voice quivered as she spoke. “It made me question _myself_ —whether or not I drove you away or… or forced you into something you didn’t want.”

Ellie gave her a concerned look. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s just… things changed after JJ. _I_ changed. We fell into this routine and… I don’t know. It’s like, the last few weeks before you left, you withdrew completely. You barely talked to me—you didn’t touch me… and after you were gone, I couldn’t stop wondering if you had been looking for an out.”

She felt a deep pounding in her chest at Dina’s newly unveiled insecurities. She wasn’t expecting that at all and, to be honest, it made her feel sick. “I wasn’t looking for an out, Dina, I… I loved you.”

“But not enough,” she said, disappointment filling up her brown eyes.

“That’s not fair.” Ellie argued. “I _tried_ —I just… I just couldn’t stop seeing it.” She choked out, covering her eyes as a sob wracked her body.

Dina instantly rose to her feet and moved to sit on the table in front of her. She frowned as she leaned forward and rubbed Ellie’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. It wasn’t like Ellie to break down like that, especially in front of her, and it made her wonder what Ellie went through out there… what she saw and what she had to do to survive.

She quickly tried to compose herself at Dina’s touch, wiping at her eyes and sniffling before she took a deep breath to calm down. “Sorry,” she said, feeling embarrassed.

Dina removed her hand and sat back, studying her, before she asked, “Why did you do it?”

The sleeve of her jacket scratched against her face as she wiped excess tears from her cheeks. “What?”

“Why did you let her go?”

Ellie’s movements stilled at that and she eventually sighed when she realized Dina was serious. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Try.”

She thought about telling Dina the truth—that she _saw_ Joel… that she _felt_ him there—but she wasn’t ready to admit that to someone. She promised herself she never would. So, she told her half of the truth instead. “I don’t know, I just… I guess I kept holding on to the idea that if I evened the score, it would change something. But it didn’t. I had her there, under the water, and… I still felt the same. It just wasn’t worth it.” She looked back up at her. “I shouldn’t have left, Dina. I was so stupid. I’m sorry.” Ellie paused as she thought about what Dina said earlier—about thinking she was looking for an out the entire time—and she felt sick again. “I’m sorry I made you think less of us and of yourself. You gave me everything someone could ever want. I never should have run away from it.”

Dina took in the appearance of her tearstained face, her forehead creasing as she looked at her with a deep sadness. It was then that she realized something serious had switched within Ellie since she’d left. She wasn’t the same person she was seven months ago, and Dina didn’t know if that comforted her or scared her. “I knew you were hurting. I guess I just didn’t know how serious it was, and maybe that was partly my fault—“

“No,” Ellie quickly interrupted. “It wasn’t. It’s entirely my fault.”

She couldn’t help but smile to herself, shaking her head. Ellie’d always had a bad habit of interrupting her when she was nervous, which she thought was rather cute. She sighed as she continued, her smile disappearing. “But I don’t know where to go from here. I just… I don’t think I can be with you.”

Ellie reluctantly nodded, her voice small as she said, “Okay.”

“I just think so much time has passed and… I—I wish things were different, but—“

“I know.”

Dina sighed again as she looked at her, feeling a bit remorseful for how she’d been treating her since she arrived in Jackson. Sure, Ellie absolutely _crushed_ her… but she had been so focused on that, that she forgot just how much Ellie had been through. She had forgotten how badly her hands shook before opening a door and the nightmares that came after midnight. She spoke again, trying to lighten the mood. “It does help, though, that you think you’re stupid.” She broke out into a smirk.

The corners of Ellie’s mouth tugged upward into a reluctant smile and she chuckled sadly. There was a silence before Ellie asked, “Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”

Dina didn’t seem offended by the question. Instead, she simply pondered it for a moment. “I don’t know,” she finally admitted.

It was an answer Ellie was expecting, but that didn’t deter her. “I want to try.” She told her, her voice firm. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Dina seemed to shrink down at that. “Ellie—”

“ _Please_ ,” she begged. Her eyes were filled with conviction as she took in a deep breath. “Let me try.”

Dina hesitated, wanting so badly to be able to say no. The last few months of her life had been hell because of Ellie—but she couldn’t deny she had missed her, and she didn’t think she was ready to let her go completely, even though everything in her was screaming at her to. “Okay,” she agreed, her voice small.

Ellie exhaled, feeling like a weight was lifted from her chest. “Okay.”

“Is that it?” She asked, repeating the question from before, somewhat amused now that there was no angry bite to it.

“Yeah,” Ellie said, before they stood up. The move wasn’t thought out well by the two of them, and Ellie gulped as she realized how close they were standing. They stared at each other for a beat, anxiety present on both of their faces, before Ellie decided to bring up Cat’s party. “Um, actually… There’s this party tonight if you…,” she trailed off. “Um, at Cat’s house.”

Dina glanced at her feet, feeling like Ellie could hear how loud her heart was beating. She wasn’t used to feeling so uncomfortable around her, and noticing how much things had changed between them was a hard pill to swallow. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Well, it’s not really a party so much as it is a get-together.” Ellie offered, trying to make it sound better than it actually was, but Dina still didn’t look convinced. “A lot of people will be there. Not just me, so you can avoid me as much as you want.” She gave a halfhearted smile.

Dina looked back up at her, and Ellie could tell she was considering it. “Are you sure Cat wants me there?”

“Yeah, she asked me to invite you.” Ellie said, then blanching. “Not that… Not that that’s the only reason I’m inviting you.”

Dina gave a small laugh at her nervous backtracking. “I don’t know. I mean, I’d have to see if Robin would take JJ and—“

“Yeah, of course. No pressure.” Ellie glanced at the door, and then back to Dina, feeling she’d overstayed her welcome—on account that she wasn’t ever really welcome in the first place. “It starts at eight. Maybe I’ll see you there.”

“Okay,” Dina said.

Ellie stumbled as she turned to leave, a blush rising to her cheeks at her clumsiness, and Dina had to stifle a laugh. She waved goodbye to her and then she was gone.

* * *

Ellie begrudgingly walked up the steps of Cat’s house, wanting more than anything to just turn back around and head home. By the sounds of the music flowing through the quiet streets, she could confirm her earlier suspicions that Cat had embellished a few details in order to get her to come.

She pushed the door open and saw that most of Jackson was there, a sea of people filling every open space available. Ellie took a moment to let the dread sink in as she threw her head back, eyes closed, and groaned internally. She was never really much of a socializer. I mean, she’d come to events every now and then, but she usually just stuck to the sidelines with a drink in hand, and she figured that’d be how she’d get through tonight.

Her eyes scanned the room for Cat but they found Dina, instead. She was standing off to the side with Ethan in tow, causing her mood to sour a bit. She didn’t expect her to come, but she should’ve realized he’d be by her side if she’d agreed to it. Dina gave her a small wave and Ellie decided to say a quick hello.

She stumbled through the crowd of people, and as she neared, she watched Ethan instinctively move closer to her. She decided to ignore him entirely as she approached them, a smile set on Dina. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Me either,” Ethan gritted out through his teeth.

“You’re late.” Dina smiled. “I think you said the party started an hour ago?”

“Yeah, it did. I would’ve showed up on time had I known you’d be here.”

Dina nodded. “So, were you busy with all of your other friends that you don’t have, or?”

She laughed in response to her light teasing, feeling her chest swell. “Man, what is with you and Maria teaming up on me about being a friendless loser?” Dina playfully shrugged and Ellie noticed she was empty-handed. “Hey, let me get you a drink.”

She watched as Ethan paled at the realization he hadn’t thought to get her one, especially now that Dina had lit up at her offer. “Yeah, that’d be—”

“I’ll get it!” He interrupted, fretful, though he remained standing still. Ellie had to hold back a smug smirk as he looked between the two girls, knowing his absence would leave the two of them alone.

There was a silence as the three of them just stood there. “Are… are you sure?” Ellie asked him. “I don’t mind.”

Before he could answer, their attention was pulled to Cat, who was barreling toward them. “Ellie!” She called out, beaming. “Hey!”

“Hey,” Ellie greeted her, smiling. They hugged briefly before parting, and Cat’s eyes fell on Ethan.

“Uh, hey,” she said to him, a puzzled expression on her face. “Wasn’t expecting to see you here. How have you been?”

“Fine.” He said, dryly. He seemed to feel more at ease with Cat’s intrusion, because he stepped away from Dina’s side. “I’ll go get you that drink.”

Cat gave Ellie an amused look now that’d she’d caused him to leave, raising her eyebrows up and down to signal to her she knew what she was doing. They shared a quiet giggle with one another before Cat looked to Dina. “Glad you could make it.”

Her eyes glanced between the two girls, taking notice of their silent communication, and she tried to hide a frown as she said, “I hope it’s okay that I invited him.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s fine.” She shrugged. “Are you guys dating now?”

“Cat,” Ellie said quickly, giving her a sharp look.

She turned to Ellie with wide eyes, worried she’d offended her. “What?”

Dina couldn’t hide the annoyance on her face as she looked at the two of them speak with a simple look. She didn’t understand how they’d just picked up where they left off. It was like nothing bad had ever happened between them. “It’s okay, Ellie,” she said. “I’m sure you and Cat get asked the same thing all the time.” She glanced back to Cat as Ellie frowned. “We’re just friends.”

“Oh. Cool…. Well, I hope you guys have a good time.” She met eyes with Ellie, sending her an apologetic look. “Come find me when you’re done. I’ll reintroduce you to some people you probably forgot. You know, with your amnesia and all.” She smiled as she looked back to Dina. “See you around.”

Dina muttered out a goodbye and the two of them watched as Cat drifted back into the party. Ellie noticed she was visibly tenser now. “Sorry about her,” Ellie said, awkwardly chuckling. “She doesn’t really know what boundaries are.”

Dina grimaced. There was something unsettling about Ellie apologizing on behalf of Cat’s actions, as if the two of them were responsible for one another—as if they were a team, like she and Ellie used to be. “How come you haven’t asked me about him?”

She just shrugged, and Dina was expecting her to be more surprised by the blunt question. “It’s not really any of my business.”

“So, it wouldn’t bother you if I started dating him?”

Ellie narrowed her eyes and tilted her head, trying to figure out what Dina’s game was. “I didn’t say that.”

Dina rolled her eyes, frustrated. “You didn’t really _say_ anything.”

“Date who you want, Dina. It’s not going to stop me from trying.”

She seemed caught off guard by Ellie’s confidence, and there was something she saw in her eyes that made her fumble for words. “I’m not dating him, I just… I was just—“

Ellie stepped closer to her, minimizing the distance between them. “Good.”

Dina swallowed hard as she looked at her, trying to seem unfazed. “And you and Cat?”

“We’re just friends,” she said.

“We were just friends once, too.”

“Here!” Ethan yelled, jumping in between the two of them and shoving a beer at Dina.

Ellie clenched her jaw at the interruption and stepped back, watching as Dina offered a heartfelt thank you to him. “That was fast.”

Ethan glared at her as he tried to remain nonchalant in front of Dina, but she could see how hard he was trying to control his breathing. She almost laughed at the thought of him trying to run through the crowded rooms.

Ellie heard her name being called from behind her, and she turned to see Cat’s mom approaching her with a warm smile and open arms. They shared a tender hug for a brief moment before she stepped back, looking her up and down. “Oh, Ellie,” she cooed, “you have just grown up so much in the last year. I’ve missed you.”

“Me too.” Ellie blushed at her sincerity and looked back to her group, Cat’s mom wrapping an arm around her waist and leaning into her side. “Um, this is Cat’s mom, Julie. Julie, this is Dina.”

Julie’s eyebrows raised in surprise at the name before she tried to play it off, reaching out to shake her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” Dina nodded politely. “And who’s this?”

Ellie looked over to him, disinterested. “Oh, uh… it’s Caleb, right?”

“It’s Ethan,” he corrected, glowering at her. Ellie smirked back at him as Julie shook his hand. “You know, Ellie, I didn’t know you knew Cat’s mom so well.”

Her face fell as Julie rubbed her side, beaming as she talked about it. “Oh, yes, well, we saw each other all the time, of course, when Cat was dating Ellie. Such a precious girl,” Julie gushed, looking at her. “I haven’t seen her since she’s been back, though, have I? Well, you came here one night, didn’t you, dear? It was much too late for me. I was asleep, and you were gone before I woke.”

“Oh, really? What were you and Cat doing up so late?” He asked, returning the smirk and looking victorious as he met Ellie’s eyes.

“Yeah, I was… I was just crashing here for the night.” She said awkwardly.

“No matter. You’re always more than welcome.” She stepped back. “Well, we are just so glad you’re back in Jackson. You gave us all a fright there for a while.” Ellie forced a polite smile at that, not wanting to bring it up in front of Dina. “I’ll let you get back to your friends.”

She gave Ellie a gentle pat on the back before she walked off, and within a second, Lou took her place, a sly grin on her face. “Whoa, Ellie. That your new girlfriend?” She joked, before her expression dropped at the sight of Dina. “Oh, shit, I—”

“ _That_ was Cat’s mom, Lou.” Ellie said.

“Lou?” Ethan snorted. “Aren’t you the one that almost got her killed on patrol?”

Ellie rolled her eyes, growing tired of him. “It wasn’t her fault.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re right. Sorry, I forgot, it’s because you got _scared_ and couldn’t hold your own.”

“Hey,” Dina intervened, sending him a glare. “Don’t.”

He seemed reluctant to back off but did so anyway at Dina’s command, and he angrily took a swig of his drink as the four of them stood in silence.

“Alright, well, _you_ seem super fun,” Lou said sarcastically, looking at Ethan, “so I guess I’ll leave you to it. Ellie?”

She was grateful for the invitation out of the conversation, and she gave a nod to Lou before focusing back on Dina. “I’m really glad you came,” she said. “Um, you two have fun.”

Both Lou and Ellie hastily walked away at that, heading to the kitchen to grab a beer for themselves. It was quieter there, less crowded, and Lou looked guilty as she stared at Ellie. “I shouldn’t have made that dumb joke. I wouldn’t have if I’d seen her there. I just wasn’t expecting—”

“It’s okay,” she said, searching for a bottle cap opener. “It _was_ funny.”

“I didn’t think they were actually dating. I mean, people talk, but…,” she trailed off.

“She says they’re just friends.” Ellie popped the cap off of her beer successfully. “And anyway, I don’t really have a right to pry into her life right now.”

“Do you believe that?”

“Believe what?”

“That they’re just friends.”

Ellie sighed, taking a sip of her drink. “Yeah. I mean, she wouldn’t lie to me.”

“Maybe she’s lying to herself.”

She stilled, dropping her drink from her mouth and letting it hang in her hand. She wondered just how much of Dina’s life she’d missed while she was gone. Why was she even hanging out with an asshole like that? For the life of her, Ellie couldn’t figure it out. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she decided. “Let’s go find Cat.”

Lou seemed to drop it and the two of them reentered the large group of people. It wasn’t difficult to find Cat as she tended to be the loudest person in any crowd—but Ellie didn’t mind it, especially tonight, because it took all of the attention off of her. So she let herself be paraded around all night to old acquaintances that she’d forgotten all about because Cat just made it easy, and it was nice to have her mind taken off of things.

If she was being _honest_ , though, she could only last five minutes before she had to scan the room for Dina, who remained in the same spot for the entire night, Ethan by her side. Ellie tried not to be jealous when she caught them laughing together or smiling at one another, but it actually wasn’t that hard, because it seemed like no matter where Cat had moved them in the room, Dina’s eyes always found her, too, like she’d been keeping tabs on them— _on_ _Ellie_. And maybe she was getting ahead of herself, but it seemed like when they were talking earlier that afternoon, maybe Dina wasn’t _only_ agreeing to let Ellie try. Maybe she was letting herself try, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT'S ON WHAT? PROGRESS.


	6. Chapter 6

“You know, you don’t have to keep coming with me to things like this.”

Lou raised her eyebrows as she looked at Ellie, who was sitting on the edge of the exam bed, the two of them waiting for Jo to come in. There was a hint of irritation in her tone, as if she’d done something to offend her. Lou knew the infirmary was one of Ellie’s most hated places _on Earth_ , and the hatred had only grown since she’d hit her head earlier last week, so she brushed her impoliteness off. Jo had mandated visits every two or three days so she could monitor the wound consistently and prevent infection, and Lou was quick to invite herself along as support, which Ellie didn’t have a lot of. Plus, she _did_ feel partially responsible for Ellie falling off of her horse in the first place, though she’d never admit it. “ _Someone_ had a bad weekend.”

Ellie blushed at the mention of it, but covered it up with a quick roll of her eyes. Technically, it wasn’t a _bad_ weekend—it was just that it wasn’t much of anything. She’d spent the entirety of it cooped up in her house, alone, like she’d been doing every night since she came back to Jacksontwo weeks ago, and she was getting sick of it, especially now that she’d been kicked off of patrol duty.

She felt guilty for feeling that way because she really was grateful to be back in Jackson, but it was such a stark difference to what her life was like living alone. It wasn’t like she missed that, but, surprisingly to her, it had proven itself to be a difficult transition.

When she was on her own, she hadn’t had an entire town helping out with sourcing food, water, and electricity; and there definitely hadn’t been an enormous gate keeping out potential threats passing by. In fact, for the last seven months, she hadn’t had _any_ free time—and now that she had so much of it, she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do to fill it. “It’s nothing to do with my weekend. I’m just letting you know you don’t have to keep blowing off patrol to babysit me in these appointments.”

“Oh, I’m not here for _you_ ,” Lou joked. “I’m here to keep tabs on how long it’s going to take for Jo to clear you. So, don’t worry. My reasons for being here are completely selfish. You see, when they took you off patrol, they stuck me with Scott on the Wilson Valley path.” She paused for dramatic effect. “ _Scott_ , Ellie. On the _Wilson Valley_ path. Do you know how hard that’s been for me?”

“Seems like a pretty easy route.”

“It is— _it is, Ellie_. And do you know what happens when you have an easy route with Scott? He fills the time by talking about his soap carving hobby.” Ellie stifled a laugh as Lou continued. “Do you know how many types of soap there are, Ellie? Because I do. You wanna know what else I know? The technique for carving soap into the shape of a seashell. But I _shouldn’t_ know these things, Ellie, because I’m under the age of sixty-five.”

“I don’t know,” she said, amused. “Sounds like it could be pretty interesting.”

Lou gave her a knowing look. “Sounds like someone’s trying to get rid of me… and here I thought you actually liked having me around.”

“You did?” Ellie asked, grinning. “Where’d you get that idea?”

Her left hand raised with ease, middle finger sticking out in Ellie’s direction, and the two of them were interrupted by Jo walking in, a small cart trailing behind her. “Good morning, girls,” she greeted, focusing on the cart next to her as she picked out gauze and sterilizing solution. “What are you chatting about?” She asked, mindlessly.

“Oh, Lou’s telling me all about her new hobby—soap carving, was it?”

Jo looked up at her, a bright smile placed on her face. “Oh, sweetie, you should talk to Scott Anderson. He makes the most beautiful seashells for me.”

Lou shot a fiery glare to Ellie before she smiled sweetly at Jo. “Oh, no, I—I don’t know that I’m really that into it.”

Jo shook her head dismissively before she put a pair of new latex gloves on. “I bet you’re a natural talent. You know what, I’ll tell him all about you. He’d be so happy to teach you.” She turned to face Ellie before Lou could decline. “All right, let’s take a look. If everything looks good, we can remove your stitches today before starting daycare duty tomorrow.”

Ellie felt uneasy as she thought about it, tilting her head to the side as Jo prodded around the cut carefully. She wondered how long they would stick her at the daycare before they allowed her to go back on patrol—and she hoped it wouldn’t turn into a more permanent arrangement. Not that she didn’t like kids or anything, and it’d be fun being across from Cat all day, it was just… patrol was one of the only things she liked about staying in Jackson right now, whether it was because she _actually_ liked it or just liked the memories attached to it—she didn’t really care to dissect it that deeply.

“Okay, dear, everything looks good, so I’m going to go ahead and remove the stitches. Let’s give it a few weeks to scar properly before we put you back on patrol.”

“A few weeks?” Lou mumbled to herself, her frown deepening. She gave Ellie an apologetic look as Jo reached for a pair of tweezers and stitch scissors, and the room grew quiet as she started snipping at the thread. A few seconds passed before the sound of a toddler babbling down the hall filled space around them. Ellie froze at the familiarity of it, her eyes widening in dread.

“What’s the matter?” Jo asked. “Did that hurt?”

She didn’t answer before she jumped down from the side of the bed and hurried down the hall without a word, her heart pounding as she replayed the voice in her head. She could’ve sworn that was him. Her hands shook violently as she reached to rip open the curtain to the other room, and her chest felt heavy as she saw JJ sitting on an exam bed, Dina by his side.

She took a step forward to steady herself as Dina moved to stand up, her eyes flitting to the corner of the room. Ellie followed her gaze to see Ethan, who was advancing on her quickly. He stepped in between them, blocking her line of sight, and she stumbled back as he towered over her.

“What the fuck?” He said.

Ellie looked passed him, over his shoulder, her lungs aching for air like she couldn’t get enough of it. “What happened?” She asked, frantic. “Is he okay?”

Dina looked a mixture of guilty and annoyed as she answered, “He’s fine.”

Ellie took in her response, confused. If he was fine, why was he in the infirmary? And why wouldn’t she have the decency to tell her? She thought Dina valued her more than that—she thought Dina saw her as an important person in JJ’s life. That was her son, too—so she didn’t understand why it felt like she was a stranger right now. “Why is he here?”

She watched as Dina sighed, like it was an inconvenience to explain to her. “He has a fever—”

Ethan interrupted, “That’s really none of your business.”

“A fever?” She repeated, voice cracking. “What? For how long?”

But Dina didn’t respond, and it was Ethan who spoke in her place. “You need to leave.”

Ellie looked up at him, having barely registered him throughout the entire conversation. She didn’t understand why she wasn’t allowed in the room, or why she was being treated like a threat. Her eyes met Dina’s again as she pleaded silently for answers, but Dina just looked at JJ, who was playing with a loose thread on the blanket he was sitting on.

Ellie felt a tear escape her eye and trickle down her face as she stared at her family in confusion and desperation. “Dina?” She called, and Ethan moved closer to her.

“Get out,” he said again, her tone harsh.

Ellie’s forehead creased as she took a step back, feeling defeated. She looked at Dina with disappointment filling her eyes, waiting for her to speak up and say something that would allow her to stay—but it didn’t come. She remained silent, hiding behind Ethan’s hostility, like he was her own personal bodyguard.

Ellie waited a few more seconds before confusion turned to anger and, when she realized Dina wasn’t going to actually do anything, all Ellie could do was scoff in disbelief. She turned to walk out, passed the exam room she was in, and didn’t look back as she heard Jo follow her.

“Ellie, dear, I wasn’t finished—”

“I don’t care,” she bit back. She shoved the doors open and hustled down the steps, fury growing within her by the second.

She was stopped suddenly when she felt a strong grip pull her arm back, and she turned to see Ethan. “I told you to stay away from her,” he seethed.

Ellie pulled her arm back from his possessive grasp, piercing him with a sharp stare. “What the fuck is your problem, man? Leave me alone.”

“You’re my fucking problem.” He stepped closer to her, giving her an abrupt shove.

“Ellie,” Jo called from the doors, worried. “Come back inside.”

Her jaw clenched as she steadied herself from his push, ignoring Jo. “Keep your hands off me.”

Ethan laughed darkly, leaning closer to her. “What are you gonna do about it? You don’t have your _daddy_ here to protect you anymore.” His eyes flitted in between hers as his expression turned harsh. “You have nobody. Not Joel, not Dina—not even fucking Tommy. And it’s going to stay that way. Dina’s _never_ going to forgive you, okay? So, stop fucking showing up wherever she’s at. You’re not going to take her away from me.”

Ellie glared at him, feet planted firmly on the ground even as he towered over her. She studied his face as they looked at each other, feeling nothing but pure hatred bubble inside of her. She didn’t understand why Dina, of all people, would keep a guy like this so close to her. He was angry, and bitter, and Ellie hated the way he talked about her—like she was something to display, like she was a prize to win. She didn’t care to entertain his macho bullshit for much longer as she turned away from him again and started to walk away.

“Hey,” he hissed, reaching out to grip her arm again, his hold much tighter than before. Ellie clenched her jaw as she was forced to turn around again. “I’m not done talking to you.”

She looked down at his hand wrapped around her arm, before she met his eyes, almost amused by his brazen behavior. She couldn’t help but crack a small smile as she thought about how easy it’d be to break his wrist if he tried to grab her like that again. “Let go of me.”

“Or fucking _what_?” He yelled back, enraged at her smug expression. Unrelenting in his aggression, a venomous look in his eyes, Ellie could tell he was looking to pick a fight. “Tell me, Ellie, what’s the big bad dyke gonna do about it?”

Her face fell at his words before she yanked her arm out from his grasp. “You’re fucking pathetic, dude,” she said, not able to hold back a bitter laugh escaping from her lips. “If you want to hit me so bad, fucking do it—unless you’re too scared of the big bad dyke?”

Ethan’s eyes darkened, cutting into her own, and in a split second, he lunged forward at her, fist raised to hit her, before Ellie blocked it with ease. He grunted with fury and vexation before he lunged at her once more, forcing her hands to grip around his flailing wrists to protect herself. She struggled slightly under the weight of his strength and, during their scuffle, managed to free one hand. Ellie stumbled back as she took a blow to the side of her jaw and she could instantly taste blood as the impact caused her teeth to tear the inner lining of her mouth.

Her eyes closed momentarily as she started to see red, blood filling the crevices between her teeth and being expelled from her mouth as she exhaled deeply in frustration. Her hands gripped his shirt as she pushed him sideways to the ground with brunt force and, within a second, she jumped atop him. Her once shaky fists steadied as her knuckles turned white and she tried to shake the lingering thought of Dina from her mind before she gave in, fists colliding with his face in unbridled rage.

She felt vindicated as she watched the fear in his eyes grow from her unrelenting blows; and it was only when she felt Lou’s arms wrap around her that she came back to reality, her breaths heavy and her hair sticking to her face from sweat. She looked down at her hands to see bloodstained fingers and beet red knuckles, knowing that, in the days to come, bruises would take their place.

When she stumbled back to her feet, she held her hands up in surrender as Lou and Jo stared at her with a frightened expression, and as she took a few steps back, she realized there was a small group of people surrounding her, accusatory gazes fixed in her direction. She took a quick look at a badly beaten Ethan before she turned around and pushed herself through the crowd.

* * *

Blood-soaked gauze littered the bathroom sink Ellie hunched over as she blotted around the sides of her mouth, attempting to clean up the blood coating her lips and chin. She tried not to focus on how embarrassing it was going to be showing up to the daycare tomorrow with a huge bruise and swollen jaw, but it was getting harder to ignore as her blood flow wasn’t slowing.

A deep sigh filled the stale air around her as she looked down at the old, dusty first aid kit she’d found in the cabin’s kitchen. She hoped she had enough gauze to finish cleaning and dressing the barely-healed cut on the side of her head, like Jo had meant to do before she walked out. There were still three or four stitches that needed to be removed—or reapplied, she wasn’t sure. It was bleeding again for some reason. She guessed she tore it during their fight.

She winced as she thought about it, hands gripping the edges of the sink as JJ came to mind. The last thing she wanted was to grow up a stranger to her own son—and to be confronted with that possibility earlier was entirely unexpected. She was angry—at Dina for shutting her out, and at herself for leaving them in the first place—and Ethan knew that. He knew it’d be the perfect time to pick a fight with her, and she hated that she gave into it. It just felt like she was being replaced in the worst way possible, and for Dina to dismiss her like that in the infirmary and hide behind him was infuriating.

The sound of her front door swinging open interrupted her thoughts and she popped her head out of the bathroom to see Dina standing there, slamming the door shut behind her. Both of their expressions kindled with resentment as they stared at each other, and Ellie didn’t say a word as she looked back at herself in the mirror, focusing again on cleaning the blood from her mouth.

Dina moved to stand outside of the small bathroom, her eyes blazing into the side of Ellie’s face. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Her voice was strong—filled with spite and malice—and she waited impatiently for Ellie to respond. But she didn’t—she didn’t even look at her. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Ellie shrugged at the loaded question. “I don’t really feel like getting yelled at by you right now.”

Dina gave a short, incredulous laugh, watching as Ellie cupped a hand under the sink faucet and sipped tap water into her mouth to rinse out the taste of blood. “I don’t care what you _feel_ like, Ellie. You can’t just beat the shit out of someone because they told you to leave.”

She swished the water around before spitting it back out into the sink, the liquid leaving a trail of blood behind as it went down the drain. “Fine,” she said.

Dina huffed at her apathetic response, stepping forward and pulling on Ellie’s arm tightly to make her face her. “I can’t believe you.”

Animosity churned deep in her chest as Dina chastised her—as if she had a right to. “I can’t believe _you_ ,” she shot back, her tone accusatory. “You don’t even have the _decency_ to tell me when he’s sick?”

Her hand dropped from Ellie’s arm as the two of them finally locked eyes. “Do you know how many times he was sick while you were gone? You weren’t there then—so why do you feel entitled to be there now?”

“So, what—I fucking left, and that means Ethan gets to take over?”

“No,” she snapped, upset she would even accuse her of that. “Why, is that why you hit him?”

Ellie’s eyebrows raised at the question. “I fucking hit him because he hit me.”

She practically snorted. “That’s not what he said.”

“Okay?” Ellie scoffed. “Believe who you want then. I don’t care.”

“I don’t see a reason why I should believe you,” she said. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I don’t know what kind of person you are now—what you’re capable of, or… or what you even did out there to survive on your own. And after what you just did to Ethan, I don’t know that I want to.”

Ellie blinked as she took that in before her eyes narrowed into a fixed glare at Dina. She saw a flash of guilt cross her face before she replaced it with a look of cruelty, crossing her arms to maintain a remorseless facade. Ellie couldn’t bring herself to say anything as she stared at her— _really_ stared at her. She couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. She couldn’t believe Dina would paint her out to be someone like that—someone callous and inhuman.

It seemed to be an awkward silence for Dina as she shifted her weight uncomfortably under Ellie’s harsh gaze, the movement bringing Ellie out of her trancelike state. “Then leave,” she finally said.

Dina’s face fell at the seriousness of her tone. “What?”

“If you don’t trust me—if you think I’m some sort of monster now—then _leave_.” She looked at Dina expectantly, but she offered no response. “Get out,” she said.

Dina took a small step back, trying to give her some space. Her voice softened as she spoke again, fearing she’d said something she wouldn’t be able to take back. “I don’t—” she exhaled uneasily, “I don’t think you’re a monster.”

“Oh, no?” Ellie asked, sarcastically. “You just think I’m some unhinged maniac now.”

“I didn’t say that—” Dina denied, but she was cut off by Ellie.

“You didn’t have to,” she said, her voice harsh. “So leave.” Ellie looked back at her reflection in the mirror at that, bringing gauze up to her mouth to wipe away the blood pooling out of the side of her mouth. Dina just watched as Ellie continued cleaning herself up, frustrated with herself for saying something so hurtful, but she didn’t budge.

“No, I… fuck, Ellie, I didn’t mean it that way—I’m sorry.” But Ellie didn’t respond, instead reaching for an alcohol-soaked pad. She placed it on the red scarred skin lining the side of her head, wincing a little from the stinging as the liquid seeped into her wound, and Dina frowned as she watched her shaky hands try to clean herself up. “Let me do that,” she offered, stepping closer.

“No!” She yelled, moving further back into the bathroom to get away from her. Dina jumped, surprised at her hostility, and swallowed hard. “Dina, what the fuck is your problem? You don’t… you don’t let me see him. You don’t tell me he’s sick. Then you storm in here, yell at me and accuse me of lying, and then question what sort of person I am now—like you think I lost my humanity out there or something.” Her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked at her. “Just… please leave.”

Dina sighed. “I shouldn’t have…,” she trailed off. “That’s not what I meant.”  
Her jaw clenched as she listened to her continue to defend herself. “Now who’s lying?”

Dina frowned, breaking eye contact with her in shame. She didn’t know what else to say or do. “Sorry,” she mumbled once more before turning to leave.

The sound of the door closing caused Ellie to flinch and, now that she was alone, tears that had been threatening to fall streamed down her face. They mixed with dirt on her cheeks as she tried to angrily smudge them away, but she wasn’t along for long before there was another person at her door.

Ellie huffed as she walked over, opening it to see Lou. “What?” She snapped.

Lou looked taken aback as she realized she’d been crying, but she didn’t mention it. “Jo sent me to get you. Your stitches—“

“I’m fine.”

Lou gave her a knowing look. “I mean, you have open stitches on your head, so…. Also, your mouth is bleeding.”

Her hand flew up to wipe at her mouth, annoyed she was _still_ bleeding, and gave a shrug. “I can clean myself up.” She moved to close the door but Lou stopped it with her foot.

“You know, I, uh, ran into Dina just now.”

The sound of her name made fresh tears burn at her eyes and she tried to feign apathy as best she could. “Yeah, well, she just left.”

“Do you wanna… talk about it?” Ellie sighed deeply, shaking her head no. “Do you wanna… go play video games at my place?”

She couldn’t help but laugh, taking a deep breath in to calm herself down as she wiped tears from her eyes. “Yeah.”

“Cool,” she said. “But, um, we have to stop by the infirmary first for your stitches. Oh, and you have to wash your face off. You know I don’t like blood.”

Ellie rolled her eyes playfully as she walked back to the bathroom, Lou following. “You know, I’m beginning to understand why Maria put you with Scott.”

* * *

“Ow, fuck!” Ellie hissed, her foot falling in between the broken wooden step of her porch. It was almost pitch black out as she’d walked back from Lou’s place as the town’s lighting didn’t exactly reach all the way to the cabin.

She bent down to see if it drew blood when she heard JJ coo from above. Her head snapped back up to the porch to see Dina sitting on an old wooden stool, JJ in her lap, and her heart began to race. “What the fuck?” Ellie stood back up as she looked at the two of them, her eyes adjusting to the dark. “What the fuck?” She repeated.

Dina stood up at her arrival, JJ on her hip. “Are you okay?” Ellie didn’t respond and Dina shifted awkwardly, nervous under her stare. “Can we come in?” She frowned at the question, not moving from the steps of her porch. She was still slightly in shock to see JJ so close to her. Dina hadn’t expected her to say no but she nodded in understanding anyway. “Okay,” she said. “I just wanted to say that… I’m sorry about what I said before. I was angry and I was trying to hurt you and—” she sighed, “I’ve _been_ trying to hurt you since you came back and that’s not fair, no matter how angry I am at you.” She was interrupted by JJ cooing again as he reached toward Ellie, and Dina readjusted him on her hip. “I guess I’ve been using JJ as a way to… I don’t know, punish you for leaving… which is fucked up, because I know you care so much about him and,” she shrugged, letting a deep sigh fall out of her, “I’m just sorry. This whole thing has just… I don’t know. It’s made me into this bitter, spiteful person. But I—I don’t want to be that anymore, and if you want to be in his life, then I’m not going to stand in the way of that.”

A thick silence settled around them. It was heavy… uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure all of Dina’s words had even registered yet. She just couldn’t stop looking at JJ. A hint of a smile creeped up on her face as the little boy stared back at her in mutual awe, his big, dark eyes unwavering from her, and a minute or so passed before he started pushing away from Dina’s hold and reaching toward Ellie.

Dina fumbled around, trying to hold on to him as he grew increasingly fussier, before she looked back at Ellie. “Um…, I think he wants you to hold him… if you want.”

She glanced briefly at Dina, as if she didn’t believe what she was offering, before she focused back on the restless boy. She walked closer to them, shakily reaching her arms out in front of her as Dina passed him over, and he seemed to calm down immediately as she held him. She couldn’t help but break out in a face-eating grin as the two of them stared at each other, eyes gleaming in wonder.

Eventually, she looked back to Dina and slipped her the key from her jacket pocket. After a few tries, Dina was able to unlock the old door and let them inside.

Ellie moved to sit on her bed, holding him in her lap, beaming with admiration as she looked at him. He babbled lazily, reaching for her face and hair.

Dina stood awkwardly by the door, watching them interact. “His fever is gone,” she said.

Ellie looked at her, concerned. “What was it?”

“Ear infection. He got it a couple days ago.”

Ellie frowned as she met his eyes again and bounced him lightly. His small hand moved to touch her cheek and she practically melted. “Do you think he remembers me?” She asked. She knew it was a stupid question, unlikely, but she hoped he did, anyway.

Dina couldn’t help but smile as she looked at them. “I don’t know,” she said. “We talked about you a lot after you left. Maybe.” She hesitated before she moved to sit down on the bed next to her, feeling comfortable talking to her as long as the topic was JJ. “He hasn’t said his first word yet.” Ellie looked to her side, surprised. “Jo says he’s fine, just… you know, I worry about it.”

She glanced back at a smiling JJ. “If Jo says he’s fine then—“

“Not even ‘mama’,” she said, crestfallen.

Ellie met her eyes again, and though Dina was trying to hide it, she see tell how upset she was getting talking about it, like it’d been weighing on her for a long time. She frowned as she thought about how hard it must have been to go through it alone, without Ellie by her side. The bed creaked as she steadied JJ with one hand and reached her other around to rub Dina’s lower back in an effort to comfort her. “He’ll be okay,” she reassured her. “Every baby is different. I mean, he _walks_ like a champ.”

Dina’s face lit up at that, pride swelling in her brown eyes. “Yeah, that’s what everyone says. He started walking at ten months.”

Ellie raised her eyebrows in surprise, looking back at him. “Ten months? Wow, buddy.”

“Robin says Jesse was an early walker, too.”

Ellie smiled as she continued looking at him. He looked just like Jesse. “Of course he was. He’ll grow up to be just like his dad.” She turned her gaze on Dina once more, who was smiling softly watching the two of them interact, and Ellie stilled as she realized she was still rubbing her back.

She felt uneasy as Dina looked at her with such a softened expression, because all she could think of was how she hadn’t wanted Ellie anywhere near him just this morning. A twinge of annoyance crossed her features before she broke eye contact and placed her hand back on JJ.

Dina frowned at the lost touch, feeling guilt creep up from the pit of her stomach, all the way to her face, reddened cheeks burning. She was ashamed of how she had hurt Ellie today—and even more so knowing that she had _wanted_ to. She had wanted so badly for Ellie to feel rejection the way she felt seven months ago, and it disgusted her to admit she used their son as a pawn to make it happen.

She felt stupid that she’d ever thought hurting her would make her feel better, because all she felt now was regret. She couldn’t stop replaying the sound of Ellie’s voice fragmenting in heartbreak over and over in her head. She wondered how long it would haunt her. With a pained expression, she spoke again. “Ellie, I, um… about earlier—“

Ellie gently waved her hand dismissively, giving a small shake of her head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I know, I just…,” Dina paused, “Ellie, I need you to know that I really am sorry.”

“It’s fine.” She shrugged. “I guess you were right. You don’t know me anymore, and I don’t know you. We’re different people now.”

There was a silence as the words sunk in and tainted the air around them. Her eyes glanced to Ellie’s hands wrapped around JJ’s small frame, seeing a deep redness forming around her knuckles. “Can we at least talk about what he said to you that made you hit him?”

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters, Ellie. You broke his nose… one of his eyes is swollen shut. He must’ve said _something_ to you.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, a sharp huff leaving her lips. “It wasn’t what he said, Dina. He hit me first.”

“Fine,” she said. “But you hit him back— _hard_ , Ellie.”

Ellie grimaced. It wasn’t that she regretted it, but she wasn’t proud of it, either. She could’ve just thrown him to the ground and walked away—but she didn’t. She’d made him bleed instead. She’d _reveled_ in the way he flinched from her touch. And she would’ve done it again had she had the opportunity to go back in time. She’d warned him plenty. “Are you trying to make me feel guilty?” She asked. “‘Cause I don’t.”

“No,” she said, sincerity in her tone. “I just…,” she sighed, “I just don’t get why you don’t like him.”

Ellie looked at her, eyebrows furrowed. “What’s it matter to you?” Dina shrugged. “I don’t get why you hang around him so much.”

“We’re friends.”

“Since when?” She scoffed.

“Since I moved back here and everyone else thought I went crazy,” she said. “It was lonely.”

Their conversation was interrupted by a loud outburst from JJ, who was lazily pulling at the string of Ellie’s hoodie. A grin grew on her face as he babbled louder, before it started to slowly diminish as she continued to watch him. It was evident to her that she was losing them—even as they sat right next to her. “You like him, don’t you?”

Dina sighed, seemingly irritated by the question. “We’ve already talked about this.”

“No,” she argued, “we talked about if you were _dating_.”

“Ellie,” she said, her voice coating with a thick warning.

Ellie glanced over to her. “Well, he likes you.”

“ _Well_ , we’re just friends.”

She gave a bitter laugh. “He wants a lot more than friendship with you.”

A lingering silence followed her, and Dina seemed to shrink into herself as contrite flashed across her face. Truthfully, Ethan had already made his feelings for her very clear, and now that Ellie was back, he’d been practically relentless. She hated to admit it, but she felt guilty about it, even though she didn’t owe any loyalty to the girl sitting left of her. “I know he does,” she finally said.

It wasn’t the response Ellie was expecting—or _wanting_ —to hear. The whole conversation they were having was proving to be much harder than she’d anticipated. “Then I don’t get why you aren’t with him.”

“Because I don’t want to be.”

Ellie’s forehead creased in confusion and frustration. “But why?”

“Because of you!” She yelled.

Silence once again enveloped the room as the two of them tried to process what was just said. Dina looked away from her in a huff, and Ellie redirected her awkward staring to JJ, who didn’t seem to mind as his eyes grew heavy. She could tell he was fighting sleep by the way his eyelids kept drooping, and how he kept swaying into her.

Out of habit, she laid back on her bed, resting him on her chest. They’d used to do this often—lay next to each other with JJ falling asleep on her, both of them just enamored watching him. They’d used to be so filled with love. Now it was just… anger. Resentment. And the flash of hope she had for them just a few days ago was gone.

Dina eventually looked back at them and, by the look on her face, Ellie could tell she was remembering those same moments they’d shared at the farm, cuddled up together with their son. She sighed as she shifted toward them and lifted her hand to rest on his back, thumb rubbing circles to comfort him as he fell asleep.

Ellie didn’t want to mention what Dina had said last. She just wanted, for one second, to feel the way she’d used to, even if it was fleeting. Her own hand moved to rest atop Dina’s, their eyes meeting to reveal a mixture of sadness, desire, and hurt.

She hesitated before she slid her hand away from Ellie’s reach, clearing her throat quietly. “I think we should go. He’s tired.”

Ellie nodded in understanding, though she remained burdened with a deep disappointment. “Okay,” she said. “Can I at least walk you back?” She watched as Dina tensed, as if she was going to say no, so Ellie spoke again. “It’s dark. Please?”

She hesitated before finally relenting, getting to her feet as Ellie followed. JJ shifted and nuzzled further into her at the motion, and Ellie’s heart swelled. She held him tighter in her arms as Dina headed outside, making sure to mind the broken step as Ellie reminded her.

They walked for a few minutes in silence before Dina broke it. “So what happened to you out there?”

The question surprised Ellie and, as she glanced over to her, Dina seemed nervous as she awaited a response, though she was trying to cover it with nonchalance. Ellie looked back ahead. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean… you came back pretty beat up…,” she paused. “and your fingers….”

Ellie kind of smiled, amused. “Well, there isn’t exactly the same small town charm out there that Jackson has.” The teasing answer didn’t seem to be well received by Dina, so she started again. “I was alone for most of it.” She shrugged. “Every now and then, I’d run into trouble, but… for the most part, it was just me.” She looked over at her. “Most of those cuts were because I was traveling back to Jackson through the woods for a week—alone. People don’t take too kindly to lone travelers.”

“And your fingers?” She asked, hesitant.

Ellie grimaced at the memory. “Compliments of Abby.” She watched as Dina’s frowned deepened, seemingly getting lost in thought. It unsettled Ellie as she could only wonder what thoughts were running through her mind—and, after what Dina had said to her earlier, she couldn’t imagine they were good ones. Ellie slowed the two of them to a stop, and Dina looked at her with concern. “I didn’t lose myself out there, you know.” She paused. “I’m not… I’m not the same angry person I was when I left. So, you don’t have to be… scared of me, or whatever.”

Dina’s eyebrows furrowed, and a small breath left her lips. “I’m not.” When Ellie still looked unconvinced, she stepped closer to her. “Hey…, I’m _not_. I feel so stupid for what I said earlier. I really didn’t mean it.”

“Okay,” she said. They shared a look of mutual understanding before they started walking again.

Dina tried to focus on the fact that she was with Ellie and JJ—tried to stay in the moment—because she knew how much she’d wished for it when Ellie was gone; but her thoughts kept drifting back to everything that had happened earlier today. She kept seeing Ellie’s face—the tears that littered her eyes, and the way that her body slumped as she’d listened to Dina hurl accusations at her.

She _hated_ what this had done to her. She’d become vengeful and hostile and… jealous—and she found herself doing things on purpose to try to make Ellie feel the same way. But Ellie just wasn’t like that. She was patient and forgiving, and, up until today, it had only served to infuriate Dina more.

Dina knew Ellie would do whatever it took to make things right. But, deep down, she hadn’t been ready to let go of her anger. She’d thought it kept her safe… kept her guard up. But today she’d seen a glimpse into what it would be like if Ellie decided she was done, and that terrified her. She wasn’t ready to decide yet if she wanted to forgive her, or move on. And after this afternoon, she was worried Ellie would make the decision for her.

She couldn’t push that worrying thought aside as they made the rest of the way to Dina’s house, so when they stopped at the steps of her porch, she took a deep breath and asked it herself. “Are you still mad at me?”

Ellie blinked, not expecting the question. “Are _you_ still mad at _me_?”

“Yeah,” Dina said, bluntly. Ellie cracked a small smile at that. “You didn’t answer my question.”

There was a small hesitation before Ellie answered. “Not really _mad_ ,” she said, not agreeing with the choice of words. “Just like… bummed.”

Dina nodded. Somehow that hurt more. “Me too.”

“Well, um…, thanks for bringing him by,” she said, changing the subject. “It means a lot to me.”

“I know.”

Ellie smiled and gently handed him over, the sight of Dina holding a sleepy JJ making her heart skip a beat. “Hopefully he sleeps through the night.” Dina just nodded, and she got the impression she wanted her to leave. “Well, I should get—“

“You’re staying, right?” She asked abruptly. Ellie looked at her, confused. “In Jackson, I mean… you’re staying?”

Ellie gave a small frown. “Of course I am. Why would you ask me that?”

“I just don’t want what happened today to…,” she trailed off. “I don’t know. I just—I need to know if… if today changed anything.”

“Dina—”

“If you still want to… try.”

She studied her, green eyes pouring into brown. “Do you still want me to try?”

It was a weighted question—one that Dina had tossed over in her mind a lot in the last two weeks. She’d vowed to herself that she’d never let herself be hurt that way again—and to let Ellie back into her life was risking that. She didn’t know if she was ready for it… but she knew she wasn’t ready for the alternative. “Yeah,” she breathed, “I think I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just gonna... quietly post this as if I wasn't gone for a month...  
> Mixed feelings on this chapter! I'm at the point where I'm done messing with it so I'm just deciding to post it now. Sorry for any spelling errors and also RIP for the angst... Sorry :/ <3 But don't worry because we have some cute moments in the works...


	7. Chapter 7

Cat opened the front door to her house with a sluggish pace, her eyebrows raising slightly at the sight of Ellie so early in the morning. She took a bite from the apple she was holding as she leaned against the doorframe and smirked as she stared at her. “You just can’t stay away, can you?”

Ellie’s forehead creased in confusion at her joke. “You told me at your party that you wanted to walk to the daycare together… or were you too drunk to remember?”

Cat stopped chewing, her eyes lighting up in excitement as the next few words tumbled out of her full mouth. “Oh, man, I almost forgot—it’s your first day!” She paused, swallowing her food, as she wondered how the last two days had flown by so quickly. “Dude, where have you been this entire weekend? Wait, what happened to your face?”

Ellie plastered on a disingenuous smile to ease the worry from Cat’s face. “Oh, nothing,” she lied, her voice cool. “Just a little bruising.”

Cat’s concern ebbed in response to her indifference, and she matched Ellie’s smile with her own. “A _little_? What, are you going to recruit these kids into an underground fight club or something?”

Disingenuousness turned to sincerity as that prompted a laugh from Ellie, the girl shaking her head in amusement. “It’s a lot to explain. How about drinks after six?”

Cat narrowed her eyes as she pretended to mull the offer over. “I _guess_ so, but only so I can know who punched you in the face.”

“All right,” she agreed. “So, are you ready, or what?”

Cat stepped back, giving a low hum as she looked at the clock in the living room. “Yeah, give me a minute,” she said, looking back at her. “I have to run upstairs real quick.”

Ellie nodded and stepped inside, closing the door behind her as she watched Cat shuffle up the stairs to her bedroom. She took the moment alone to glance around the living room, of which she hadn’t had a real chance to do since she’d been back. She’d always thought Cat’s mom, Julie, had created one of the most warm and inviting homes in all of Jackson, and as she stood in it now, she realized just how much she’d missed it.

A light flow of music occupied the space as their old record player droned along, and Ellie made her way over to the familiar area—one that she’d scoped out every inch of when she and Cat were dating. Her hand reached for the vinyl’s sleeve, a small smile on her face as she saw it was a Jim Croce album, though it was one that she didn’t recognize. Julie had a real interest in music from the seventies, and it made Ellie happy to see her collection growing.

As if she could read Ellie’s thoughts, the older woman had appeared from the kitchen, as Ellie could see out of the corner of her eye. “I thought I heard your voice,” she said, warmly.

Ellie grinned as she set the sleeve back down, turning to face her. “How’re your Donna Summer records treating you?”

Julie giggled as she approached her and enveloped her in a loving hug, swaying her a couple of times before they parted. “Better than ever,” she said. “One of the best gifts you’ve ever given me is her album from ’74. I still don’t know how you got your hands on that. You know, you’ll have to come around some time after dinner one night and we’ll perform it for you, like we used to.” She glanced toward the stairs and then back to Ellie. “Are you waiting on Cat?”

“Yeah, we’re going to walk over to the daycare together.”

“Oh, that’s right,” she clasped her hands together in excitement. “She told me you were going to try daycare duty out for a while until you’re all healed up. I bet the kids will love it.”

“I hope,” she said.

“They will, sweetie,” she reassured her. “Cat loves it. I’m sure it’ll make you want kids of your own.”

“Yeah, I was surprised at first when she told me she was working with kids, but it actually makes a lot of sense.” Ellie gave a small laugh. “And, well, um, I actually—Dina and me, we have a son together. He’s a little over a year old now.”

“Oh?” Julie looked surprised, her smile weakening at the news. “Cat never mentioned that. I didn’t realize you two were still together.”

“We’re not. It’s… complicated.” Ellie almost cringed as she said it, but she didn’t know how else to word it. She didn’t exactly feel like going into details about how she abandoned her family and how it was impossible to know if she’d ever be forgiven for it. And even though she didn’t, it still seemed like she’d revealed something too personal by the way Julie’s demeanor changed. Her cheery disposition had extinguished itself into something more reserved, and Ellie didn’t know what else to think about it except that it was weird.

Luckily, the two of them didn’t have to sit in the awkward silence for much longer as Cat bounded down the steps in a hurry. “Okay, let’s go,” she said; and the two girls said a quick goodbye to Julie before they went on their way.

As they walked together toward the daycare, Ellie couldn’t seem to get Julie’s reaction out of her head. It kept replaying over and over as she tried to decipher the thoughts that could’ve been running through her head from the news. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked over at Cat, who had bundled herself up in her coat to protect herself from the cold, early morning air. “Hey,” she said, “why didn’t you tell her about JJ?”

Cat met her eyes, surprised by the question. “Where’d that come from?”

“It’s just… she didn’t know I had a son. She was kind of weird about it.”

The girl brushed aside Ellie’s concern, giving a tight shrug which was constricted by her jacket. “She’s weird about it because she’s, like, obsessed with us getting back together.”

The explanation made Ellie laugh, and she gave Cat an amused look as if she thought she was joking. “Come on.”

“What? I’m being serious. She _loves_ you. It’s actually really annoying. Did you know that after you broke up with me, I had to _beg_ her not to go over to your house and try to work things out for me?”

“ _You_ broke up with _me_ ,” Ellie argued.

“ _You_ were in love with someone else—so, technically, it was your fault.”

She paused before nodding. “That’s fair.”

“Anyway,” Cat continued, “I didn’t tell her about JJ because I don’t really know anything about it. I mean, last I saw, you weren’t even allowed in the same room as him.”

“He’s still my kid,” Ellie said, defensive. “And I was with him last night.”

“Really?”

Ellie nodded. “Dina brought him over.”

“Ah,” Cat said. “She the one who punched you in the face… again?”

“Ha, ha,” Ellie mocked. “Not this time.”

“So, things between you are going well since the party? Guess you have me to thank for that.”

“I wouldn’t say they’re going _well_ … but they’re going.”

Cat hummed. “Well, I’m surprised she even came. I mean… that has to mean something good, right?”

Ellie’s eyes squinted as she thought about it. “I think you’re forgetting she brought Ethan.”

“Yeah, well, they’re friends.”

“So she says,” she mumbled.

Cat furrowed her eyebrows. “You don’t believe her?”

“Honestly, I don’t know _what_ they are. Their whole dynamic confuses me. Like, what happened to all of her other friends she had before we moved to the farm? Does she just not talk to them anymore?”

Cat gave her a knowing look, as if Ellie should have been able to predict the answer to that herself. “Well, I heard she kind of went crazy when you left…. No offense. All of those _patrol_ friends you guys had were pretty pissed they had to spend months looking for you when it was obvious you’d left on your own volition.”

“Why are you saying it like that?” Cat looked at her questioningly. “‘ _Patrol_ ’ friends,” she imitated.

“Nothing, it’s just that…,” Cat paused, trying to figure out how to word it. “Well, everyone thinks you guys are sort of… pretentious.”

“Pretentious?” Ellie repeated, her voice high and infused with indignation. “I am _not_ pretentious.”

Cat smirked, which Ellie took as a cue that she didn’t exactly disagree with the claim. “Hey, no need to be defensive. I’m sure it’s easy to get a little full of yourself while being part of such an _exclusive_ , _elite_ club, as some patrollers have described it. And, I mean, to be fair, Ellie, you never even made friends with someone that wasn’t part of _patrol_.”

“Yeah, but, that makes it sound like I had a lot of friends when I only had two. And stop saying it like that!” Ellie laughed as she chastised her.

“God, I know. The three of you were like Maria’s little golden trio,” Cat said, with an air of disgust.

Ellie gaped, confused from the tone of her voice. If she hadn’t been so close with Cat, she would’ve been much more dismayed by the thought that she had disliked her originally. “Wh— _you_ were, like, best friends with Jesse. And you had a huge crush on me!”

“That’s because Jesse was cool and you’re hot. So, you guys got a pass from me. It actually really damaged my reputation for a while. It took weeks to convince my friends to like you.” Cat chuckled.

“Your friends didn’t like me?” She frowned. “But we… we hung out with them so much.”

“Well, they grew to like you. Turns out, you’re pretty likable when you’re not talking about patrol.” She hesitated before she went on. “But… you know, then Dina decided she wanted you and all of my hard work was for nothing.”

Ellie tilted her head, the sentence sounding passive and pointed and… unlike Cat. “To be fair, Dina never made a move on me until after we broke up. She was with Jesse.”

Cat snorted at Ellie’s defense of her. “Yeah, but she didn’t like _Jesse_. She liked you—and she didn’t have a problem showing it when we were dating.”

The lightheartedness from before seemed to vanish as Ellie quickly realized they’d accidentally stumbled into something serious. Apparently, there was still some real tension there, and the last thing Ellie wanted was for things between them to become awkward. She stumbled as she tried to do damage control. “I think you’re blaming the wrong person here. I was the one who developed feelings, you know? She never tried to get in between us—she never even asked about us.”

“Because she didn’t _care_ about us,” Cat argued, her voice sharp. It seemed to take her back a bit, like she wasn’t expecting to get so upset over it, so she tried to backtrack. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter—”

“Well, wait,” Ellie said, slowing them to a stop. “It sounds like you’re still pissed about it.”

“I…,” Cat huffed. “I’m not, really. I guess it’s just been kind of weird to hear about her so much now that you’re back… and, like, actually _see_ that you built a family with her. I don’t know.” The explanation only made Ellie more confused as she continued to stare at her, puzzled. “I don’t know, Ellie!” She repeated, tense. “I can’t really explain the complex feelings that come with your ex-girlfriend snagging the fucking _dream girl_ of Jackson and then raising a family with her.”

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“Because up until right now, I thought she still hated your guts,” she said. “ _And_ … because I don’t want you to feel like you _can’t_ talk to me about her. It’s just… weird when you do.” Cat looked toward the daycare, seemingly uncomfortable as she let out an awkward laugh. “Look, can we just, like, forget we ever had this conversation?”

Ellie frowned, following her as she started walking again. “But I want to talk about it, Cat—”

“Fine,” she interrupted. “Drinks later, right? We’ll talk about it then. But for now, can you please not be weird about it?”

She held her hands up in surrender. “Promise.”

Cat nodded and the two of them continued to walk until they reached the daycare, Cat leading Ellie inside the room for the older children. She set her stuff down and glanced around, taking in the new space.

“So, who am I doing this thing with?”

The black-haired girl blankly stared at her before she started to smirk. “What do you mean? You’re watching them by yourself.”

“By _myself_?” She practically yelled, her eyes wide. “What? You didn’t tell me that!”

Cat muffled a laugh with her hand, watching her panic with amusement. “They’re just kids, Ellie. You’ll be fine.”

“What am I supposed to do with them? I don’t have to teach them anything, do I? Oh, God, Cat, please tell me I’m not _teaching_ any children—”

“ _Relax_.” Cat laughed. “You’re not teaching anyone. Nobody would trust _you_ to do that,” she teased. “It’s just daycare. You’ll have a group of kids come in the morning, and then a new group of kids come in the afternoon. They switch for lessons. And there’s tons of stuff to do with them, okay? They practically entertain themselves, but I’ll be right across the street if you need anything.” She watched with a sly grin as Ellie continued to frantically look around the room to try to get used to the idea that she’d be all alone in it. “All right, well, I need to go now…. Try not to have a panic attack.”

“Wait,” she said, looking back at her. “Cat!” She called out, but the girl was already halfway out of the door. When it closed behind her, she watched as she walked to the building right across from her, the large windows allowing them to see in each other’s rooms. An unsettling feeling pushed itself onto her as she realized kids would be coming any minute now. Her mouth went dry at the thought of being responsible for an entire group of them. “Oh, shit,” she whispered to herself. “Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.”

She managed to keep herself busy for around ten minutes before a few parents started trickling in to drop off their kids, Ellie being subjected to countless awkward introductions and handshakes. But, so far, Cat had been right. It seemed the kids had a routine they were comfortable sticking with as most of them had occupied themselves with something, whether it be coloring, building blocks, or small instruments. She could hear a xylophone being hammered on when she noticed Dina from across the street, the girl dropping JJ off for the day, and it wasn’t long until Dina looked in her direction. She searched the room for her before they met eyes, and a warm smile spread across her face.

Her heart rate began to pick up, almost in tune with that same frantic, offbeat xylophone, when she saw Dina leave and walk across the street toward her. She entered the room sheepishly, and Ellie’s mouth went dry as she tried to figure out what to say. “Hi,” she greeted, the word tumbling out with a shaky breath.

Dina flashed a sweet smile at her as she approached her, a light chuckle falling from her lips as she noticed how anxious Ellie looked. “Hi,” she returned. Her eyes scanned the room before they settled back on her. “How’s this going for you?”

“Well, I didn’t think I’d be doing it alone, that’s for sure. So, we’ll see how it goes, I guess.” She shrugged. “So far, it’s fine… but we’re only fifteen minutes into the day. There’s a lot more time left for things to go south,” she half-joked. “I’ll be here for at least a couple of weeks before they let me back on patrol.”

“A couple weeks, if you’re lucky. I think you’ve given Maria one too many scares lately to be put back there for a while.”

She gave a small laugh. “I guess you’re right.” Her eyes shifted to the ground as an awkward silence enveloped them, but she quickly recovered. “So, where are you headed off to?”

“Library,” she answered. “Just down the street.” She tilted her head as she watched Ellie kind of smirk at her response, eyes alight with adoration. “What?”

Ellie shook her head. “Nothing,” she said, “it’s just… From patrolman to librarian. I think it’s cute.”

Dina blushed, giving a slight roll of the eyes to cover her bashfulness up as best she could. “Yeah, well, nobody ever goes in there anyway. You know they had it boarded up before I talked Maria into letting me reopen it?”

“Doesn’t really surprise me. Jackson isn’t exactly full of scholars.” They shared a laugh together at that before Ellie asked, “Don’t you get bored… or lonely?”

“No,” she said. “There’s a lot to do. I mean, I do miss JJ, but he’s always right down the street. I’m actually kind of jealous of you. You get a clear view straight into there.”

Ellie nodded, eyes glancing over across the street, immediately meeting Cat’s, who seemed to be watching them. She gave a lopsided smile, feeling uneasy from the eye contact, and quickly looked back to Dina, who seemed to notice the exchange.

“I’m sure Cat is glad to have you so close by.”

“Oh, uh, I guess.” She shrugged, glancing at the kids, then back to her. She tried to come up with something better to say, but she came up short. It was still so unfamiliar to her—having to navigate silence between them. She never used to notice it before, but now it was practically deafening. They were just so uncomfortable around each other now… on edge and afraid to say anything. She hated it.

Dina stared at her for a moment, her eyes lingering, before she disrupted the quiet stillness with a question. “Does it hurt?”

Ellie watched her gesture gently to her jaw, and felt a twinge of embarrassment. She guessed the color wasn’t exactly pleasing to look at. “Not really,” she said. “How’s it look? Bad?”

“Looks pretty gross, to be honest.” She grinned.

Ellie chuckled, finding relief in her amused demeanor. “Well, that’s too bad,” she said, feigning disappointment. “You know, I was mustering up the courage to ask you if you wanted to have dinner sometime this week, but I guess I’ll have to wait for it to fade… since you’re grossed out by it and everything.”

Dina bit her bottom lip, entwined by their overt flirting, as they bantered back and forth. “Oh, did I say gross? I meant _close_. Like, it looks _close_ to healing. You can barely see it.”

“Hm,” she smiled. “Must have misheard.”

“You must’ve.”

Ellie nodded, shifting her weight as she gathered the courage to ask the next question. “Well, now that we’ve cleared that up… do you wanna, maybe, have dinner with me?”

“I suppose that’s fine,” she said.

She tried not to show any emotion from her answer, but internally, she was freaking out that Dina actually agreed to it. She knew after yesterday that things might lighten up between them, but she didn’t figure she would be lucky enough to see it happen so quickly. “When do you _suppose_ you’re free?”

Her face fell a bit at the question, as if she’d changed her mind. “Actually, not for a few days.”

“Oh,” Ellie said.

A sigh fell from her lips as she explained herself, seemingly disappointed that she’d forgotten something. “Yeah, I just… it’s stupid, but they had to turn off the water to our kitchen sink. Leaky pipes. I’ve been waiting for Maria to send someone to come fix it but—”

Ellie took a step forward, probably too eager to play it off as nonchalant, and interrupted her. “I’ll do it.”

The shorter girl broke out into a laugh at the offer, but it soon died down after she realized she wasn’t joking. “Oh,” she said, eyebrows furrowing.

“What’s so funny?”

Dina hesitated as she tried to figure out if she was being serious, her eyes narrowing as she studied her. “Since when are you handy?”

“You’d be surprised what living off the grid forces you to learn.”

“Oh,” she said. “So, you can fix sinks but not broken porch steps?”

* * *

“Sorry I’m late, I—” Ellie stopped abruptly as she focused on Dina standing in the door’s threshold, her eyes trailing her up and down as she took in her appearance. When she met their eyes again, Dina had fixed an expectant look on her. Ellie cleared her throat as she tried to finish her excuse. “Um, some parents were late and…,” she trailed off, not being able to focus on much else but the girl in front of her. “You look nice.”

Dina’s eyes widened at the compliment, her cheeks flushing a dull pink. “What—I… I look the same as I always do.”

“Yeah, I mean, you always look nice.” She smirked as she took in her flustered response. “You dressed up for me, didn’t you?”

“Shut up,” she said, embarrassed. She took a step to the side to let Ellie in, the girl walking passed her with a smug look on her face. It wasn’t long before Dina matched her expression after giving her a once-over. “Did you bring tools, or…?”

“Tools?”

“Yeah. Tools. To fix my sink.”

“Oh.” Ellie paused. “I didn’t think of that.”

Dina nodded, amused at the oversight. “I guess you didn’t.”

“Should I… should I go find some?” She asked, awkwardly.

She let out an airy laugh as she gestured to the side of her. “There’s a toolbox in the basement.”

“Okay,” she said, relieved. Her eyes lingered on her for a few more seconds before she turned to leave, and the sensual exchange wiped Dina’s smirk away, leaving her standing there with heated cheeks once more.

The basement was dark, and dusty, as she descended down the creaky steps below ground. A small amount of light spilled in from the thin, long window panes at the top of the wall and shone along a metal shelf, which was cluttered to its limit. Her eyes scanned the shelves as she walked over to them, searching for the toolbox among the messy assortment. Fingertips brushed over dusty metal as she continued to look and, as her eyes glanced over an old cardboard box, she stopped. Laying atop a few scattered items were their embroidery hoops Dina had stitched for them when they lived together at the farm. Her lips tugged upward slightly as she traced over the fabric with her fingers, a feeling of warmth spreading in her chest as a slew of memories flooded her mind.

She supposed it was best not to be too excited to see them collecting dust in a dingy basement, but she couldn’t help but feel happy that Dina had kept them at all. Ellie had thought a lot about the home they’d made together when she’d lived all alone—thought a lot about how much she missed it. But now, for the first time since she left, she had a flickering ray of hope they could build one together again.

A small hum of contentment met her lips as she set it back down, resuming her search again for the toolbox. Not a minute later, she spotted it near the bottom shelf, coated in red paint and rust, and shuffled back up the stairs with it in hand.

She followed the sound of Dina’s voice to the kitchen, where she was sat next to JJ in his highchair, the small boy donning a cloth bib that she was certain Robin had sewn for him. Ellie lit up at the sight of him, walking over to place a kiss on his forehead, but he didn’t seem to care as he was focused on eating the cut up banana slices placed in front of him.

She shared a smile with Dina before she hunched over by the sink, opening the cabinet beneath it to look at the pipes. Truthfully, and she was sure Dina could tell, Ellie was by no means an expert in plumbing. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t find her way around a few pipes every now and then, what with living in such a cold climate. She’d definitely dealt with her fair share of burst pipes, and if she could patch _those_ up, she was certain she could handle a small leak.

Dina moved to stand behind her, watching her carefully as she worked. After a few minutes, Ellie turned on her back and placed herself halfway under the sink, unscrewing a few connecters above her by hand. She handed Dina the bowl that had been laying beside her, which she’d guessed had been serving as a collector for the pesky water leaks, and set the trap on the ground.

“You sure you know what you’re doing?” Dina asked, a bit apprehensive to see her sink in pieces.

Ellie gave a sound of affirmation as she diligently worked, and Dina didn’t push the question further. Instead, her eyes trained themselves on Ellie, and she swallowed hard as her t-shirt started to rise up.

About ten minutes passed before Dina was brought out of her trance, Ellie calling for her to turn on the sink from above to check if it had worked, and she stepped in between her legs to get closer. Leaning forward, she turned the faucet on. Not a second passed before she felt a heavy spray of water coat the lower half of her legs, her balance being threatened as Ellie squiggled beneath her to escape the plumes of water gushing over her. Ellie yelled at her to turn it back off and Dina quickly obliged, taking a small step back, her shoes squeaking from the spilled water on the floor. She covered her mouth with her hand as she watched Ellie wipe water from her eyes before sitting up. “Are you okay?” She asked. Ellie looked up at her in response to the question, taking a deep breath as if she was trying to take in what had just happened. Before she could answer, the two girls’ attention was turned to JJ, who let out a loud giggle from his highchair.

The small squeak of joy coming from their son caused them to erupt into laughter, their hearty notes mixing together in the air surrounding them. It’d been a long time since they shared a moment like that, one of pure mirth and exhaustive bliss, and tears soon littered their eyes.

Dina fanned a hand to her face as she tried to calm herself, giggles still spilling out of her as she said, “I’ll get you a towel.”

She turned to move but quickly lost balance as she slipped on the water, Ellie’s hand jutting out with precise haste as she reached for Dina. The hurried move to steady her seemed to work as she regained her stance, but a blush rose to her cheeks as she felt Ellie’s thumb wrapped tightly around her inner thigh.

“Be careful,” Ellie said, not seeming to notice the bashful expression she was wearing. Dina just nodded, not wasting time before she carefully stepped through the puddle and walked out of the kitchen.

Ellie sighed as she laid back down under the sink, picking up the trap that had fallen onto her from the pressure of the water. She’d forgotten to tighten the connection before asking Dina to turn on the faucet, causing it to fly off in the midst of everything. With a few turns to the right, she double-checked to make sure it was tightly secured before she carefully stood up.

Water drizzled off of her from gravity, and she groaned at how uncomfortable she was as she struggled to pull her jacket off, the fabric sticking to her skin. She managed to toss it to the side before she turned her focus to the sink, holding her breath, hopeful, as she switched the faucet’s handle on. Ellie watched as the water poured out and bent over to check under the sink, a triumphant grin stretching across her face when she noticed the leak had disappeared.

Dina came back in soon after, and Ellie glanced over at her to see her holding a towel in hand. “Think I got it,” she said. “No more leak. Just needed a bit of tightening, that’s all—”

“Ellie,” she interrupted, concern overtaking her, “your arm.” Ellie’s forehead creased in confusion as she looked over to where Dina had gestured to, and she noticed fingerprint bruisings forming near her wrist and upper arm. “Is that from Ethan?” Her voice was serious, but shaky, as she stepped closer to her.

It only served to embarrass Ellie as she didn’t want to be seen as a victim as it related to him, because the truth was, she didn’t want to give him that power. “Oh, it doesn’t hurt,” she deflected.

“Ellie,” she repeated, the name falling out in an aghast breath. “He did that to you?” Ellie frowned at the stunned look Dina had on her face, unsure of what to say. When she didn’t say anything, Dina called her name again, this time with more urgency.

“He was searching for a fight. Got what he wanted, I guess.” She shrugged.

Dina frowned, almost at a loss for words. She’d expected the two had shared some choice words, and she knew it’d gotten physical, but her bruises told a much different story than the one she’d been fed by Ethan. His recollection of the events painted her as an instigator, someone that had purposefully and deliberately sought him out as a quarry for her rage…, but as she stared at her now, deep colors marking her wrist, she knew she’d been lied to. She knew he’d used her own resentment for Ellie against her, and she was ashamed that it’d worked. “Ellie, I…,” she trailed off, eyes filled with guilt as she tried to come up with what to say.

“Hey,” Ellie said, “it’s okay. I’m okay.” She reached out and pulled her closer, enveloping her in a friendly hug. “I’m okay,” she repeated. She felt Dina nod into her shoulder before she gave her a gentle pat on the back and parted from her. “Let’s just focus on this: your sink is fixed.”

Dina gave a lazy chuckle as she finally handed her the towel and tried not to think about the bruises lining her arm. “Fixed for now, I guess. We’ll see if it still works in a week.”

“You know, if you want to see me in a week, all you have to do is ask. No need to purposefully loosen your pipes for that.”

“Okay,” she said, a challenging glint in her eyes. “Though next week might be too far out. How about tomorrow?”

“Okay,” she agreed, and Dina watched as she gulped, taken aback by Dina’s offer. “Tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading! Sorry for the wait. I've been ... dealing with my Bly Manor feelings. x


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